Kasih-Mengasihi

Go Away!

2011-03-14T11:10:00.002-05:00

We don't want you here anymore!

I've moved over to WordPress- it's not very exciting right now, but in the future I'll be posting EVERYTHING (that's right, everything) on my WordPress blog... unless I suddenly decide I miss Blogspot. So from now on, be sure to check http://www.emilyharrod.wordpress.com for the same ol' posts you've always seen on here :)

Later, gators! :)

Coming soon- a new location

2011-03-12T12:29:00.004-06:00

Well, I've done a little more with my Spring Break than catch up on work in my online class- I've made an entire new location for Kasih-Mengasihi! As soon as I finish, I'll be giving you the new address. It's pretty sweet :)

The Break in Spring

2011-03-11T14:08:00.005-06:00

All I've eaten today is Captain Crunch, colby cheese, and Doritos.
I haven't washed my face or brushed my teeth or changed out of the hoodie & PJ pants I slept in, and it's already 3:00. (sorry if that's a gross visual, but it's really not that bad...?)
I am working on a mid-term due next week, but it's frequently interrupted by Facebook and blog-reading or brain freezes (read: look outside at the beautiful weather and ponder life for 20 minutes at a time).
I don't feel one bit of remorse, because this time next week I'll be right back in the swing of things- hooray for Spring Break!

The Treasures Store for Christ

2011-03-08T13:24:00.003-06:00

What must followers of Christ give to their Maker? Everything. I don't think I fully comprehend what it means to give up everything for His sake, but I'm learning. God wants to be the driving force behind every possession, event, relationship, word, action, and plan. We fail to see His divine purpose for us when we cling too tightly to what we feel we deserve or are entitled to- and I think that our view of "sacrifice" is skewed to the point where it's difficult for us to truly sacrifice, even if we try!
Abraham sacrificed Isaac, his only son, simply because God told him to. Abraham loved Isaac dearly; perhaps he loved Isaac more than anything else in the world.
Ruth sacrificed the option of going back to her home country- where promise of marriage, family, and prosperity await- in order to stay faithful to Naomi.
Daniel sacrificed his life and security (though only for a time) in order to spend time in prayer with the Lord.
Paul put himself into dangerous situations everyday- imprisoned and tortured, even- in order that others may know the truth of the Gospel.

"And shouldst Thou ask me to resign what most I prize- it ne'er was mine, I only give Thee what is Thine- Thy will be done." -The Little Flock Hymnal

Sacrifice and love for God is much more costly than we crack it up to be- and I feel that we've lost touch with the great cost of following Christ. I don't take it with enough seriousness; I often give some of my money and time to good things in hopes that it will please the Lord enough to keep receiving His love. What does it mean to "pour at His feet the treasures store" of earthly things, which abound all around me? What does the Lord require of me?

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in endless praise.
Take my hands and let the move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my King!
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasures store.
Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Take My Life and Let it Be, by Frances Havergal

A less poetic "Great is Thy Faithfulness"

2011-03-02T07:26:00.003-06:00

I love hymns. The old language often makes us forget how relevant they are to our lives, but it is rich with Gospel-centered content and uplifting praise. The Psalms are rich with hymns, and Ephesians even commands us to speak with spiritual hymns! How cool is that?
"Great is Thy Faithfulness" is one of my favorites, but it has had a much greater impact on me lately. When we are faithless, He still remains faithful. Though our sins are as scarlet, He washes us white as snow... every time. I am so thankful for that! Here is my version of "Great is Thy Faithfulness" in a less poetic yet understandable way of words, sounding much like my prayers:

Father God, Your faithfulness is so great!
There is not even a hint of abandonment with You.
You never change, and Your compassions never fail.
You have always been, and You always will be faithful!

Your faithfulness is so great! I see it more and in new ways every day.
Your hand has provided everything I need- Your faithfulness to me is so wonderful and great.

What can tell of Your faithfulness?
Summer, winter, springtime, fall, the sun, moon, and stars- they join in with the rest of creation witnessing and declaring of Your great faithfulness, mercy, and love!

You have given me complete pardon for my sin and enduring peace.
You've given me Your presence- You bring me joy and guide me.
You've given me strength for today and a bright hope for tomorrow!
You've given these blessings to me- and ten thousand more!

Great is Your faithfulness, Lord, to me!

To-go list

2011-02-23T10:46:00.004-06:00

Sometimes I post things on here in impulsive spurts- today is that kind of day!
I have been missing the international scene a lot lately. I am getting extremely antsy again to get off American soil and onto foreign land... it's been almost 2 years, and I am SO ready! So what places are on the list, you ask? Here's a few at the top of the list:

The Middle East. Call me crazy, but the women there have been put heavy on my heart and I can't help but really really really want to go there. I once met a pastor on a ski lift (so random) who encouraged me to go to the hardest places- even the Middle East. He challenged me to think about my motives behind sharing the Word, despite "common sense" and "safety." His words have stuck with me since then in a deep way. By the way, if anyone has read Three Cups of Tea they should let me know if it's worth the read- I'm thinking yes!

Africa, of course! Good thing that's actually happening soon, Lord willing. :) The funny thing is that the devil is trying his absolute hardest to keep me from going, but the Lord's sovereign purpose will remain!

The deep Amazon region- most specifically Peru!! They have llamas and the jungle, and it just seems like a really cool place to go.

Myanmar/Burma. I have fallen in love with families in BG from that beautiful country, and I would looooove to go visit their country to meet even more of the people!

Back to Guatemala, to meet my sweet sponsored girl Gloria. How awesome would that be?!

Back to Indonesia, of course. It would mean the world to me to visit sweet friends there- not just in Bali, but across multiple islands! There is a large part of my heart set aside for those wonderful teman-teman and beautiful orang-orang.

...and that's just the beginning of the list. We can dream, can't we?

My heart grows faint

2011-02-23T07:47:00.002-06:00

I have found that in a time of invading distractions, numerous assignments, and modern technology, it is going to be a constant, daily struggle to be committed to pursuing Christ. The battle every morning at 6 a.m. is the battle of attention: will I space out and get online or will I have concentrated Bible-reading time? Will I take a quick nap or will I have quality prayer time? Will I have lunch with friends or will I invest in someone who needs love?
It's constant, and it's often draining.
In my head, I know that I should look to God for my source of strength and motivation to do these things... but my heart so often tends towards the comfortable and easy. Oswald Chambers describes spiritual perseverance as "a call not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately, knowing with certainty that God will never be defeated."
Just because we don't feel like reading our Bibles or pursuing God doesn't mean we should stop. He will reward us for our perseverance, even when it's hard. I am adopting Psalm 61:1-2 as my new cry to the Lord:

"Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Active pursuit, even as your heart grows faint!

Love and Separation

2011-02-16T21:31:00.004-06:00

This is how it goes- this separation thing.
Yesterday, together
Today, apart
For some, it was seen from the beginning-
a dreaded future thing.

Unspoken or announced,

The end will always bring

Exactly what was expected- life-altering change.

For others, it is sudden-

Surprising or unknown.

And up until this point,

The love for one another had not been shown

At its full capacity- but it was revealed

Through painful tears and choking sighs

As the void between became so real.

But it’s too late now.

Why love, when it’s separation we fear?

Why love, if impending heartache is near?

Why love, if the end result

Will be an endless “I Miss You” and tears?

Love is a risk- a lofty one, too.

But on this side of heaven,

It will always be true

That we cannot control it all-

So why live with caution?

“Live to the hilt” without any precautions

And love today as if tomorrow you’ll fall;

For risk-taking love triumphs

Though separation may call.

Happiness

2011-02-15T13:17:00.004-06:00

With signs of Spring and warmth and everything that comes with it, I can't help but mention a few things that have made me incredibly happy as of late. After going through a dry spell in my walk with Christ and just feeling "blah" about everything else in life, I am beginning to feel a new vibrance. It's an odd, deep-seeded desire to just go out and twirl around in the grass with unkempt hair and a flowy skirt, laughing loudly and smiling incessantly, acting on dreams I've mustered up in my head for weeks. That sounds like I just forced myself to sound poetic, but it really is the weird feeling inside of me! I've been thinking up ideas for how to change my life and my attitude about it, but now I'm just ready to do it. I'm ready to do something about my faith through my words, my deeds, and my time. I want to live a more selfless life, focusing on the people in my path and the places they are destined to. I want to help the needy children and families, and I want to be able to share a smile with people who rarely crack one. If I could reverse the outlook of even one person's life, I would be so very happy.

...and I digress. Here are some things that have made me incredibly happy these days:

-Fruit snacks. More specifically, fruit smiles! It's the little things in life. Yummm
-Answered prayer. God provides for my financial needs at the exact time that I need it, and He can provide in abundance. How thankful I am for that!
-My super cool boyfriend. I know that yesterday was Valentine's Day and you're probably tired of hearing the mushy stuff, but V-Day wasn't too much different from any other date I've spent with him- he constantly treats me way better than I deserve, no matter what the occasion, and I always feel way blessed to be led by such a godly man!
-My major. I have been stretched past my limits by learning to teach elementary students, and it is already so rewarding.
-Dave Barnes is coming to BG tonight! It's alright that I've already seen him live 3 times, no big deal. We're pals.
-I'm a terrible dancer, but Zumba adds a little happy place to my heart of mixed emotions over working out. I. Love. It.
-Giving sacrificially. I'm not saying this out of pride, because I still feel I have a looooong way to go before I really understand what this looks like in my life. But I have tried it more often recently, and it has really given me inexpressible joy! I can't even begin to describe to you how it feels to give past my means so others may love Christ better. I want to be better at it, but the Lord has begun to show me that my time and my "stuff" really don't matter that much... and it's all for His glory, anyway. So I encourage you- just try giving sacrificially (of something you really love or hold dearly)!

Let's go Across the Universe

2011-02-10T15:55:00.007-06:00

It's amazing to me how God answers my prayers. I mean, really- He answers specific requests in His perfect timing. Lately I have acknowledged a lack in my spiritual walk: I struggle to be amazed by God. Sure, I know that He created everything and that He can do amazing things. I've even seen Him work miracles through sickness, lost souls, and tight money crunches, and I've always been told that our God is a mighty fortress, stronger than any other. I could rattle off to you hundreds of different verses, song lyrics, and emotional stories which testify to God's amazing character. But what does my heart, deep down below the surface, truly believe about God? In my prayers, I found myself forgetting that God was huge. I forget that He really is Lord of all. So I daily prayed a simple prayer- "Lord, teach me to be amazed by You."
This semester I am taking Astronomy of the Solar System. At the end of the first class period, I practically ran out of the classroom, huffy from the snobby professor and smelly freshmen (seriously), and mad that we wouldn't be learning about constellations. Did I mention that I typically hate science classes? They're not my thing. I thought several times that day about dropping the class and adding another science class to get those darn gen-eds out of the way, but I am so glad I didn't!
Two days later, I literally had to drag myself into the building. It happens. My professor began writing formulas on the board and I quickly lost interest until he started talking BIG. As in, huge.

Did you know that, with the naked eye, standing from one point on earth, we can see as many as 6,000 stars at once? There are more than 1.5 x 10²¹stars in the universe that we know of right now. That's a lot of stars!

Did you know that there are at least 1.5 x 10¹¹ galaxies in the universe? Us human beings are really only familiar with the Milky Way. Sure, maybe some astronomer out there can identify many surrounding galaxies, but let's be real- the only planets I know are My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas (except that poor Pluto got the boot). All the stars we see in the sky, the bright sun, the cool planets- they're all a part of the Milky Way galaxy. That's one galaxy out of 1.5 x 10¹¹more!

A lightyear is 10¹⁸ cm- that's 18 zeros, folks. So whatever, we learned that in high school. But did you know that the closest star to us is 4.4 lightyears away from earth?! That means it is forever far away, and it would take us way more than our lifetime to get there!

Did you know that the radius of the universe is 10¹⁰ lightyears? Just the radius!! That's 10¹⁸ x 10¹⁰, in case you aren't keeping track. Holy cow- that's a lot of zeros and a BIG UNIVERSE. (And by the way, it's constantly expanding.) Take time to just soak in how big that number actually is- it's mind boggling.

...so now that I've blown your mind, let me share what was running through my mind in that smelly classroom with the snotty professor:

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of His great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing." -Isaiah 40:26

Every time my professor over-used the words "simply astounding," I couldn't agree more with him. I wanted to kiss his feet for being the vessel God used to smack me in the face and make me realize how huge He really is! God placed all 1.5 x 10²¹ of those stars in the sky, and He knows every single one of them individually by name. And, PS, He created the universe. He didn't just happen upon it- He made it. Talk about a huge arts & crafts session! That means He's bigger than the universe and stronger than anything we could ever encounter in it! I actually found a really funny verse in Jeremiah about this exact thing- he prays "Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you" (32:17). Naturally, this made me wonder why such a huge and smart God would ever care about me- a human being on a tiny planet in the middle of a little galaxy out in the middle a ginormous universe. It's funny, because the Psalms actually asks the same question:

"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor." -Ps. 8: 3-5

I am thankful for this mind-blowing experience I had in the middle of class over an awesome God, even if my professor is trying his hardest for us to believe in anything but an all-powerful being. It makes me cringe to think that God created the universe yet He sees into the innermost crevices of my heart. He's so powerful that He could knock me out in a second with His fingernail or something... I don't know, but I'm just saying it would be effortless for Him to take me out. So why does He continue to extravagantly love me and be mindful of me even when I blatantly disobey Him? It's because He wants all the glory for all this stuff He's created! When we see the works of His hands, the moon and the stars, and everything in the heavens, we should be bringing Him glory- that's what He wants, and that's what He deserves. I am so saddened when I realize that many people see these facts and observe these things in the universe and only contribute it to things that happened by chance. More difficult than understanding the vastness of the universe is understanding the people who don't believe that God created it. Maybe I'm just ignorant of it all, but I think Romans 1:20 says it all-

"Since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities- his eternal power and divine nature- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."

So what are we, as Christians, going to do about it? First, be amazed by God and all He has made. Be humbled that He would love you- an insignificant person in the middle of an enormous universe. Next, go tell people about the Creator, so that He will be glorified through their lives as well.
I'm so thankful the Lord answered my prayer- I want to be amazed by Him.

No Good Thing

2011-02-05T14:00:00.003-06:00

I can think of a lot of things that are "good." Things like warm passion tea, pretty flowers, Pride & Prejudice, cute kids, sweet family, wonderful friends, and chocolate-covered strawberries. There are even bigger things that I perceive as "good," even if I have yet to achieve them- being a good cook, marriage, motherhood, living in another country, being a grandparent (that really excites me... ha), etc.
Psalm 16:2 says "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." There are things in this life that I want SO badly, and I want them so much that I feel entitled to them. But how often do those "good" things become the sole things I am striving for?
I absolutely LOVE Psalm 73:25-26:

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

I find it easy to make myself believe that I love the Lord more than anything else. But when I put it into different terms- do I desire God the most?- then I find that there are many other things that compete for my affections. What would happen if everything was stripped away from me and I was left with nothing but God? Would I be satisfied? My flesh and my heart and my family and my future and my yummy chocolate-covered strawberries may fail, and they may disappear... but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever- apart from Him I have no good thing!
Christ loves us, no matter what we have to offer Him (and what we have to offer is nothing more than disgusting rags). Do we love Him, regardless of the blessings He gives us? My honest answer makes me cringe.

I still pray

2011-02-03T19:59:00.004-06:00

In preparing for the summer and focusing a lot more on praying for lost people groups around the world, I have been reminded often about the beautiful place & people I fell in love with 2 years ago. I'm not trying to say that you'll never understand, because I know for a fact that many people have these kind of experiences. People go on these kind of trips and grow attached to certain people & places all the time. I learned so much about the Lord and built great friendships with 3 beautiful women, and I have never looked back from who I was before that summer!
There are times when the eyes of precious Yuli, piercing back at me from the picture frame on my desk, seriously cut me to my core. I cry often when I look at her picture. Some of it is probably just me being sentimental, wanting so badly to go back and hug her neck. The rest of it, however, are lingering thoughts about where she'll spend eternity. I wonder if she will always be a strange mixture of Hindu & Islam & animism. I wonder if anyone else will go back to her village to explain the stories from the book we left behind. I wonder if she still sings "This is the Day" in her native language. My heart breaks to a million pieces every time I think about it- I want to know these things.
What I've realized, though, is that although I may have an opportunity one day to go back and see the people, I have been called to serve wherever I am at any moment. More than anything, I want to be in a place where no one has ever heard the name Jesus before. But until then, who am I serving? Who am I sharing with? Who am I praying for? How do I spend my time? I will not be an effective and faithful disciple in a place of spiritual darkness if I am not faithfully serving right here in the middle of the Bible Belt.

Praying for the Middle East

2011-01-30T21:02:00.003-06:00

I don't care what you think about war and peace and politics and everything else, but I do care about your awareness of the people in Afghanistan. They are between a rock and a hard place. I didn't really understand it until reading A Thousand Splendid Suns or Prisoners of Hope- but now my heart grieves for the treadmill of despair the people seem to be caught on. If we can't get over there to share Christ's love and encourage believers, we better be praying for them!

My friend MC posted this on her blog- and it hurts my heart:
http://marychasebreedlove.wordpress.com/2011/01/28/pray-pray-pray/

Please pray for those sweet people to know Christ and know peace in suffering!

Facebook and church?

2011-01-27T16:04:00.001-06:00

This is so true. God turned our mourning into dancing, but our deepest tests of faith are usually in times when we are in the valley:

Why Facebook (and Your Church) Might Be Making You Sad
by Dr. Russell Moore

How does Lady Gaga like her steak?

2011-01-26T16:34:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure what happened, but before Lady Gaga went crazy she was an AMAZING singer and pianist:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM51qOpwcIM

Spring 2011- I love you

2011-01-26T15:30:00.004-06:00

Okay seriously, it does not feel like I just got flung into a semester of craziness! It's already Day 3 and here I sit at my desk, sipping on some YUMMY passion tea, looking out at the snow, listening to good music, and gluing tissue paper onto a paper plate to make a lovely derby hat. It's not that my major is a piece of cake (it's not), but that this semester in particular holds lots of easy classes. I mean, really- Gourmet Foods? Online Introduction to Anthropology? Yes.
I have to say that this semester, even from the beginning, has shown itself to be one where I'm forced to get my priorities straight. I'll have a little extra time, which means I've got no excuse in my back pocket for a lack of Bible study, working out, or investing in people! I'm ready to use this semester to its fullest.
Sometimes we just need these little "breaks," right?

...we'll see if I'm still singing this same song 3 weeks from now

What if you were the only one?

2011-01-23T15:22:00.003-06:00

Today, I was able to share with the kids at Living Hope how important it is to pray for missionaries and people who need the Gospel in other countries. While I was teaching the kids, I really got convicted myself! There is a strong need to pray more diligently for them than I am used to. Hamma, the only Christian in a village called Karma, needs lots of prayer. Karma is home to 20 mosques and people held captive to demonic animism. Will you join me in praying for him?

Battle of Wills

2011-01-23T13:51:00.002-06:00

Do you ever get so caught up in questioning yourself that you can't decipher between God's will and your own will? You have an inward battle: "I want this thing, but maybe that's my selfish desires just getting the best of me... or maybe it's God's way of telling me that I need this for a reason? Maybe I should just give it up and avoid it... but if I do that, am I acting in disobedience? By questioning this, does that mean that maybe this isn't what God wants for me... or is the Devil trying to convince me to drop it?" It's confusing, but it happens ALL the time to me. Soooo many wishes and thoughts and hopes! Elisabeth Elliot fought these battles, and she writes in her journal "How can God work His will in me if I am clogged with wishes of my own? Thy will be done."
From the babbling tangent that I go on all the time inside my head, the only response I seem to find is confusion. There is never peace. I want something, but I don't know if it is God or my sinful nature that is causing me to want it. Or I love something so much that I feel like it shouldn't be mine. (But that's an entirely different topic I could rant for hours about!)
The truth is, no matter what, God's way is always the best way and the ONLY way. So no matter what decision I make, selfish or selfless, God will always work it out for His good. I'm beginning to understand Romans 8:28 so much better now- all things work together for HIS good, and it will always end up being for our good in the long run! But what about those constant questions? Proverbs 16:9 says "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." No matter how much I debate and try to prove something for myself, God ultimately has the whole thing under His control. He knows where we're going, and He knows the plans He has for me. In the last few weeks, I have constantly repeated Jeremiah 29:11-13-

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

The Lord does have plans for each of us, and if we seek Him with all our hearts, He will make Himself and His will known to us! That doesn't mean we are going to know every tiny detail of our lives. Sometimes we will have to step out in faith, following the Lord wherever we feel that He may be leading us. But the constant battles of the mind can easily be put to ease by simply praying "Thy will be done." If we make decisions based on wise counsel, sacrificial living, and an eye on the ultimate & eternal prize, we can rest assured that God will work out the rest.
Thy will be done, Lord.

It all started at GSP...

2011-01-19T22:34:00.003-06:00

I really am not into politics at all, but when I almost cried when I found out that Trey Grayson will be stepping down from his position as KY Secretary of State. Goodbye, old man crush, and have fun at Harvard. At least we're Facebook friends :)

Rediscovery

2011-01-17T21:07:00.002-06:00

I've come to understand that periods of "stagnation" are blessings. In fact, God uses those times to draw us so much closer to Him! Having a genuine, deep faith is not a glamorous process. When your faith is tested, going to church may seem like a drag and singing worship songs may be the last thing on the to-do list. You may be numb of feelings or constantly weary from battered emotions. Your heart may feel cold. Everything may seem out of place. But the cool thing is, God does not give us more than we can handle, and He uses these circumstances to bring us to a point of desperation for His grace.

I'm not a fan of radio hits, but I like what Starfield has to say in their song "Rediscover You":

I need to just admit my faith is paper thin
I'm feeling so burned out on religion
I say an empty prayer, I sing a tired song
I need to just admit that the passion’s gone
And I want to get it back

You told me look for you, and I will find
So I'm here like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus, make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

I want to learn to pray the way that David prayed
I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name
I want to feel like new; I want to hunger for You
Bring me back to life like only You can do
‘Cause I don't want to stay the same

Sovereign Joy

2011-01-15T18:33:00.002-06:00

How many times have you tried to fill the void that dissatisfaction leaves? C.S. Lewis once wrote "what does not satisfy when we find it, was not the thing we were desiring." I know that I have tried multiple times to find joy in things that others seem to be happy with. I have spent long hours and numerous efforts to find what will give me a great experience or wonderful memories, and I long for things that will surely give me satisfaction. I know that God gives me all I need, but my heart all too often points me towards other things for fulfillment. I love the way that the KJV phrases Jeremiah 17:9-

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

My desperately wicked heart can so often blur my vision and my discernment. No kind of friend, book, hairstyle, emotional support, relationship, status, or job will ever give me the satisfaction my heart so desperately seeks. The happiness may last for a fleeting moment, but it will not produce abundant joy! How often have I clung to an earthly promise, keeping it for myself rather than offering it to Christ? After giving up his immoral lifestyle for a Christian walk, St. Augustine prayed this prayer:

"How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose! . . . You drove them from me, You who are the true, the sovereign joy. You drove them from me and took their place, You who are sweeter than all pleasure . . . O Lord my God, my Light, my Wealth, & my Salvation."

Although my heart may say something will bring me joy, I will not find fulfillment unless it is intimacy with Christ. Even if I convince myself that an earthly blessing has come from the Father for me to find joy in, it will never be my Ultimate joy and satisfaction. We've got to stop putting our hope in things that will not ultimately and eternally satisfy, and find fulfillment in the Lord!

Hope and victory

2011-01-11T11:58:00.003-06:00

For those of you feeling a little dry, take Oswald Chamber's words from My Utmost for His Highest as encouragement:

"When you have no vision from God, no enthusiasm left in your life, and no one watching and encouraging you, it requires the grace of Almighty God to take the next step in your devotion to Him, in the reading and studying of His Word, in your family life, or in your duty to Him. . . the only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God."

When left up to my own efforts, I will not see improvement. But thanks be to God for His abounding grace!

Taking off my mask

2011-01-10T21:07:00.002-06:00

Happy 2011! This is where I spent the first week of the new year:

Rather than giving you a recap of 2010 (complete with details of how I have changed since working camp, practically becoming a part of a sweet refugee family, dating someone I don't deserve, and deeply challenging my faith), I am going to instead give an encouragement based off of what I have learned.
The past few months, perhaps even the past few years, have found me hiding behind a mask of cheerfulness and dishonesty. When there was strain on my relationship with Christ, I felt that I must put up the mask so I wouldn't let anyone down- especially those who look up to me. As pride, laziness, and apathy slowly crept its way into my heart over the months, they pushed out any form of commitment and ardor that I felt for the Lord at one time. The Proverbs describe sin as "smooth as oil" and "dripping honey," but as we walk down the path to sin we do not know that it can cost us our life! (Prov. 7)
Once I found myself prone to the Devil's schemes, I made a battle cry. The problem, however, was that I tried so hard to eradicate sin on my own. I had absolutely no true joy, and I got to the point where I just felt lackluster and numb towards my entire relationship with Christ! If you have ever felt this way, you know how terribly conflicting it is- especially if you are externally involved in so many "Christian" activities. I have never felt like more of a hypocrite and liar in my entire life.
The good news is that the Lord does not give up on us. When we are faithless, He remains faithful and full of SO much love! The one prayer that has remained throughout the past few months in my virtually non-existent prayer life has been one of emotional repentance: "Father, right now I'm feeling really, really guilty that I haven't cared to crack open my Bible in the last few days... so I'll read a bunch of chapters and try to change!" Rather than groveling back to the Lord with the same prayer but no heart change, I choose to now echo the prayers of King David:

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me. . . restore to me the JOY of salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

Though I have attempted to cover these feelings of spiritual stagnation and blandness with a glamorous mask, I am now cracking past the hard and crusty surface of that mask to expose a fleshly and vulnerable face of repentance. In 2011, I wish to intentionally seek accountability and to have a willing spirit. I can always use a little more joy in my life!

For Daughters of Hagar

2010-12-27T15:43:00.002-06:00

Funny thing, the first 2 books I have picked up have specifically detailed the lives of Muslims. If you haven't read The Kite Runner or A Thousand Splendid Suns, DO IT! They are really thrilling fiction books, and they have given me an entirely new perspective on people in the Middle East, specifically in Afghanistan. After reading A Thousand Splendid Suns this weekend, I was particularly broken for the women of this area- the oppression that Islam generally gives women is so disheartening, and I ache for them. I understand that not all Muslims require women to stay in the home, unless to be accompanied by a man while wearing robes from head to toe, except for a small mesh slit for their eyes. I understand that not all Muslims deprive women of education or value. Like Christianity, there are varying groups of Islam with different ideals and very different lifestyles. I understand.
Muslims may hold differing views, but there are still women in the heart of the Middle East who see life through a slit. In regards to Gospel-sharing, these women may be the most unreachable people in the entire world! In the book Friends of Ishmael, a story is told about two young girls reaching out and "making friends behind the veil." It was convicting and encouraging for me to read this story, because it made tangible what I thought was impossible. The author writes, "Knowing that witnessing was prohibited and conversion was punishable by death, they wanted simply to be able to look even one poor widow in the eye and tell her of God's love." They were blessed beyond measure with opportunities to share, and although finally imprisoned, they left Christ's mark all over the place!
It is not safe to go and share the hope we have with women in a Muslim country. By all means, I heartily understand this. But I am finding more and more, however, that I was not meant to live safely. Of course I must be wise about my life, not making foolish decisions for ill gain... but in regards to the Gospel, I must live dangerously. Christ has called me to this. I have been given much, and I require much. Comforts that seem normal here in America are indeed a blessing, but "I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the Gospel of God's grace." (Acts 20:24)
Obviously, I don't want to die over stupid things. I don't want to be imprisoned or beat for foolish and selfish things I have done. Rather, I am willing to die for the cause of Christ alone. Raymund Lull prayed a prayer that shook me to the core, struck a familiar chord in my heart, and has continued to crowd my mind with thoughts. He says,

"Men are going to die, O Lord, from old age, etc.; but if it be Your will, Your servant does not want simply to die; he would prefer to die showing love, even as You were willing to die for me."

I want so badly to be able to love so much that I sacrifice my life for it! I want Christ to be shared with others through my love and my life. I want to die for the sake of Christ, as long as seeds are planted. I want to go to the darkest, most dangerous place in order to love. This is my desire; I can only hope that it is God-given and that I'm bold enough to follow through. The truth is, though, I'm not that great. I am not courageous or bold enough to go to those dangerous places, though I want so badly to possess those traits! I want to fear nothing but God- when will it settle in my heart? I pray that the Lord would prepare me, teach me, break me, and mold me.

Jar of Hearts

2010-12-19T21:36:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, I spent time in Nashville with some of the most amazing people. And today, I spent time with my seestar. We ate food, popped backs, made music videos, acted not our age, and played computer card games- all day. I could handle 5 weeks of this :)

Hello, break!

2010-12-16T00:28:00.004-06:00

Only 30 minutes ago I sent off an email to my professor with the sloppiest 8 pages of words I have ever put together... but I think it'll do. The only thing standing between me and the end of the semester was that paper- so of course I hastily flew my fingers across the keyboard to make something up about Appalachia since 1945! I haven't even been finished for an hour, and I'm already making plans for break. Oh, what a welcomed break it will be- I've got a list:

-Read. On the list: A Thousand Splendid Suns, Redeeming Love, Mere Christianity, books on Elisabeth Elliot, Adoniram Judson, and Amy Charmichael, etc.
-Knit, and get better at it
-Fund-raise for Africa
-Spend time with great old friends
-Hang around lots of older, wiser women (maybe something will rub off on me)
-Get a tan on the cruise?
-Be fluent in French and semi-fluent in Zarma. Just kidding. But really...
-Start substitute teaching (yay)
-Volunteer at Americana Community Center in the Ville
-Actually work out
-Watch I Love Lucy and The Office until I go blind
-Brush up on the piano skills
-Go to a few of my bubbas' basketball games!

Ahhh, hello break :)

It's cold outside

2010-12-13T22:11:00.003-06:00

As I walked briskly from my car in the far-away parking lot to my cozy dorm room, desperately bracing from the blistering wind and COLD, I tried really hard to just think about the scorching heat I'll be experiencing in Africa (and the somewhat warmth we'll feel on the cruise!). It really does warm you from the inside out, actually.
But that was when I was out in the cold, really wishing I could be in the warmth. I really hate the miserable feeling I get halfway to my destination, when the wind is so cold that I can hardly bear it and I wonder just how in the world I'm ever going to make it all the way.
But now I'm here, in my cozy room, looking out at the beautiful snowy campus from my window with the Christmas tree. I've got Chamomile Mango tea in hand, Mom's pumpkin bread close by, cute flannel PJ pants, and Andrew Peterson playing softly in the background. And to top it all off, I just had the best conversation with a great friend and PP4L :) You couldn't pay me to go back out into the cold right now, except maybe to make me go take my 8 a.m. final tomorrow.
All that I wanted to say here is that, in this moment, I feel content. And it's a very, very good feeling! I feel as though things are falling into place and everything is cozy and happy... but the truth is, I'll have to go back out into the cold and face stuff. But before I face the elements, I need a hiatus- I need some rest and some comfort. I'm thankful that I have it. I'm almost recharged and ready to go back out into a battlefield/pursuit of souls and holiness and whatever else awaits... I'm so thankful that God provides comfort, peace, and rest! He's so, so good.

Laughing and giving thanks

2010-12-10T22:14:00.004-06:00

I feel as though everything from the past few months has been accumulating pressure in a tiny box in my head, unsuspecting and painless, until just this week- and now everything is suddenly exploding and setting off annoyingly sharp alarms. I am not enjoying the feelings that have pierced my heart and my head in the last few days, and it seems pointless to scramble for the pieces of myself that have exploded all over the place. I am a mess.
Someone told me last week, after traveling for her job, that sitting in a hotel room in Eastern Kentucky made her seriously consider her life. (There really isn't much else to do out there.) Was this it? She is a dreamer type of person, for sure... and here she finds herself sitting in a hotel in a town of no more than 1,000 people, waiting for something exciting to happen.
I find myself feeling the same way, as I Google the reasons for the aluminum industry in Kentucky and study the history of pointillism. None of these things seem very relevant to my life, and I feel stifled by things that don't seem to matter. There are so many other things that I would rather do with my time- but really, I'm just complaining. I join the chorus of a billion other college students who are simply fed up with studying for finals, I think.
In general, I think I'm just over college. I understand that this is a special season of life, and I shouldn't wish my life away- college is only a short part of my life! I am such a reflector, it's ridiculous. I think about my life a lot, and I try to figure out just why I do the things I do... the multiple intelligence theory would call me intrapersonal. But what I have found about myself is that I am always so ready for the next stage of life, and nothing in the present can satisfy me enough. This drives me crazy, because I want so badly to be content and to use every opportunity to the maximum capacity!
What do I want? I want to help people. I want to help people without having to worry about a schedule, money, other obligations, routines, or other people's approval. I really wish there was some way to organically help people without the label of an organization or movement- but in all reality, things just don't get done unless there is an organized effort.
But shouldn't Jesus be enough? Shouldn't Christ be the driving force behind all of our efforts? The fact of the matter is, we are human and we are selfish. We do things with an agenda to make ourselves look good, and oftentimes it works. Although I try to intentionally go out of my way to help people for the cause of Christ (and to introduce them to the Gospel), there will always be a twinge of selfishness and laziness lying beneath the surface of it all, I think. And there will always be other things that require my time and attention.
The Proverbs 31 woman "laughs at the things to come." I've got it wrong- I wish for the things to come, and forget about the things that have come- nothing is ever enough.
This post makes absolutely no sense. It's a jumbled mess, but I did tell you that my head has exploded into a million pieces, right? What it all boils down to is that I am uncomfortable with this stage of life because I feel that it is stifling my desire to serve. I am not content with my circumstances. What will it take to "give thanks in all circumstances?"

Tonight while studying and on the verge of tears, I heard and remembered one of my absolute favorite songs in the world- The Power of the Cross by the Gettys. You should listen to it, melt, then be reminded of the power of the cross. Seriously, when you think about the cross and Christ's salvation for us, it becomes a lot easier to give thanks in every single circumstance!

Countdown

2010-12-06T16:28:00.002-06:00

Finals are coming... Procrastination at its best.

1 day away from getting a fun Christmas tree from Madre
8 days til finals are over
11 days til Fiesta Explosion, the great CK5 reunion
12 days away from HOME
15 days away from getting a haircut (you have no idea how much this excites me)
25 days til the warm Caribbean cruise with the fam :)
23 weeks until AFRICA! eeek!

Hate the song, love the lyrics

2010-12-04T10:44:00.002-06:00

"The One Thing" by Paul Colman

Here I am, in a river of questions
Can I pour my heart out to a listening ear?
I see this life, its valleys and mountains
And I think of all the roads that brought me here

I've questioned my reasons, the life I'm living
I've questioned my ability to judge wrong from right
I've questioned all the things that I've ever called certain
My race, my religion, my country, my mind

But the one thing I don't question is you
You really love me like you say you do
You really love me like you say you do
Hold me, cause I need you

I've questioned significance, meaning, and relevance
Does the work I'm doing really matter at all?
Well I've questioned my friendships, alliance, dependence
Who will still be here when I fall?

Only one thing doesn't change
Only one thing stays the same
All I know at the end of the day is your love remains

Day 30: A picture

2010-12-01T00:14:00.003-06:00

There are some days when I just want to be a million things at once, in a million places at once. My heart sometimes feels like it's about to erupt through my throat and out through my mouth, and sometimes I just need to let it all out. I want to be so many things for so many people, and I want to do everything. I want every single person to feel loved and appreciated, and I desperately want them to have the same hope I have. It pains me so often to think about the people who do not know Christ or know true, unconditional love- it keeps me up at night and seriously disturbs me. Today, I dwelled and wondered about Opik and Ryan- 2 boys we met in Bali. Do they still read the Bible stories, hoping to learn some English? Do they understand? Has Christ convicted them or their parents? Is Opik still planning on coming to study in the US? I got really sad when I realized that I will probably never know the answers to these questions.
Despite this, I've got to move on. There are more people who need seed planted in their hearts, and God's Word introduced to their lives. They need love. I may never see the fruit of my labor or my pained heart... and that makes me a little disheartened. It's my labor of love- my mission and my focus for the rest of my life. I am ready to carry the burden of a sea of darkness- I am ready to feel anguish for the lost. This was my mission from the beginning, but it is consciously my painful mission today. I will pick up these feelings, place them on my head, offer them to God, and carry on down the road without complaining.

Day 29: 3 wishes

2010-11-30T13:06:00.002-06:00

1. I wish that the sweet potato casserole I'm eating (Thanksgiving leftovers) wasn't so completely unhealthy. And I wish the broccoli & cheese leftovers tasted better, because that is healthy.

2. I wish I was more outspoken about my faith. It's so easy to write things or think things or pray things, but actually speaking those things to real people is a whole different animal. I'm tired of talking about myself- but I wish I was more bold.

3. I wish Louisville and graduation were much closer than they actually are. Hello, impatience.

Day 28: Something that stresses me out

2010-11-29T22:24:00.003-06:00

This is such a funny topic for me to discuss... I am so easily prone to stress out about things, and it's not a good thing. I cram my schedule way too much, I plan way too far in advance for things, I freak out about money and graduating and upholding friendships and getting homework done on time with excellence. It all stresses me out. And towards the end of every single semester, I begin to stress way too much about my grades- and every single semester, I've come out with fabulous grades that I didn't need to worry about at all! Currently, Christmas is stressing me out. I hate when I can't find that one perfect gift, you know?

Something I've realized recently, though, is that I haven't really been stressed. Things have been really good. The financial issues that I thought would be bad are actually turning out to be okay, my classes have been really easy, I've been able to keep a consistent time with the Lord most days, I'm keeping myself healthy, and I've had quite a bit of free time. Of course, it's the end of the semester, so that means it's time to start stressing about grades- although I really shouldn't. But overall, God has just been so GOOD this semester! His goodness has overwhelmed me. He has blessed me so much with people and circumstances, and I'm grateful. I'm not stressed.

As I look forward into my future, though, I stress a little. I stress about being an ESL teacher- contrary to popular belief, it will not be easy. I often leave class a tad depressed and already stressed about my future career, but that only drives me more to become the best teacher I can be and to help those who are already in the career! Maybe I'm way too self-motivated... but I really want this. I just want to help those who get overlooked. But it will not be easy, and I'm starting to see that. In the midst of it all, I shouldn't be stressed- I really need to learn to trust! It's been incredible to see how God has taught me to rely on Him and to have times of peace, no matter what... and I think I need to re-learn that lesson.

Day 27: Pets

2010-11-28T00:22:00.004-06:00

If you know me, you know I am not really an animal person. More importantly, I am most definitely NOT a cat lady. The Harrod Family has not had the best of luck with felines... but we have had our fair share of them (I don't claim them as my own, though).
My precious puppy Sally, on the other hand, always always always has my claim of ownership and love! She is usually pretty stinky, and she's a mutt (beagle & lab & who knows what else!), and she often has fleas. But I potty-trained her myself as a middle-schooler, and I'm pretty proud of that fact! Here's an awkward picture of Sallydog- one of the only ones I have on my computer, actually.
Oh, and the roommate and I had 2 beta fish. The first one was beloved Oscar, and the second one was rejected Sapphire. It was quite dramatic, really. Oscar died and was secretly replaced by the icky colored and super boring Sapphire, named by our friend Rachel, who soon died of either starvation or loneliness... we're not real sure...

And just for clarification, Sapphire died- not Rachel. Bless her heart.

Day 26: A picture of my family

2010-11-26T22:47:00.003-06:00

I love my family!
It has been so, SO good to spend some time with them at home over Thanksgiving Break this week. As I've gotten older, I've learned the value in loving and spending time with your family-they know me. They are some of the small handful of people who I can truly be my entire & genuine self around! Being a part of a big family has its perks- there is never a dull moment and we each are so greatly different. It makes life interesting, for sure :) And, by the way, I've been blown away at how much my "little" brothers have grown up since I last came home. I wish I wasn't gone so often.
Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is underway, but I am very thankful for my awesome family!

Day 25: iPod Shuffle

2010-11-23T08:41:00.001-06:00

The first 10 songs that play:

What Can I Do (But Love You)- Joy Williams
Warrior- Sojourn
Everybody- Backstreet Boys
Missions Flame- Matt Redman
Tell 'Em- Sleigh Bells
Hallelujah- Bethany Dillon
Darlin'- Between the Trees
God Gave Me You- Dave Barnes
The Phantom of the Opera- Andrew Lloyd Weber
Baby (You've Got What it Takes)- Michael Buble

Day 24: Something I've Learned

2010-11-22T19:57:00.003-06:00

I've learned to embrace the curls.

That may seem so very trivial to you, but seriously- it's a big deal.
I hate thinking about the mornings before school when I brushed my hair so much that it would lay shapeless on my head... all so that I would look like everyone else. I hate looking back to the days in high school when I tried a homemade chemical straightener that made me lose some hair and didn't even work. I hate, hate, hate looking back to the days when I would cry in front of the mirror, wishing I would look like all my other pretty middle-school friends. In my day, the curls just weren't cool. And because of that, I felt like the ugliest girl alive.

But you know what I learned in the process?
I have been created. Not only that, but I have been created with a distinct purpose and design in mind. God imagined me long before I was born, and He indeed "created my inmost being." And He loves every single, tiny, itty-bitty part of myself that He created! He calls me His beautiful daughter. And although by the world's standards I have huge, frizzy, crazy, textured, untamed hair (all of which I have been told before at some point), and it is completely opposite of the "sleek" look we equate to beauty, I have learned that God sees me with entirely different eyes.

There was no amount of reassurance from my parents or curly hair how-to magazines that could give me the peace that God has given me in how I look. I'll admit, the days of the curly pouf bangs were not my best, but I have definitely come a long way since then. Not too long ago, a high school girl on my WKU tour asked me how I style my hair. She had curly hair exactly like mine. I looked at her and saw the helpless and insecure girl that I most definitely was several years ago, and my heart seriously dropped for her! Needless to say, we had a good conversation in the middle of the admissions office about what seems so trivial but is really so huge in our lives... and I felt God using me. Isn't it funny how God uses our struggles and our lessons in order to help others through the same thing?

And besides, curly hair is so much fun. I can hide things in it, make myself look like a lion, make myself a 'fro, throw everyone off by straightening it... the list goes on. It's quite entertaining :)

Day 23: Favorite vacation

2010-11-19T13:12:00.005-06:00

I'm glad my parents like to travel- we've been on some of the best vacations! We've visited San Diego and L.A./Hollywood, with a day trip to Tijuana. This included a forever-long "adventure" on a U.S. naval ship, which Dad seemed to really enjoy. After about 4 hours, Becca and I opted to relax outside the ship. On the top deck, Mom spotted us down below:

But we've been to so many other places as a family! We've visited our aunt & cousin in Colorado, home to the intense Sand Dunes, Mesa Verde, & Rocky Mountains. We have gone to the beach & Disney World more times than I can count, and as youngsters we stayed in the Smokey Mountains for a bit. I love family vacation time! And at the end of 2010, we will be able to hang out together on a cruise... which I'm getting excited about :)

Of course, in a discussion about travel I can't help but bring up my amazing trip to Bali! While it most certainly was not a vacation, it was a trip that will forever be ingrained in my head with strong affection. I miss the Balinese, and I loved my time there. I mean, I got to talk about Jesus while dancing & singing crazy with a bunch of little kids, and they thought it was awesome... what's not to love? :)

Day 22: Favorite city

2010-11-17T07:30:00.003-06:00

This is easy.
I love Louisville!
I could have said Paris or San Diego or Karangasem (which isn't really a city), but the truth is I haven't spent enough time there to even know much about it. I love my hometown, and everyone knows it!
I love the Highlands, the Waterfront, the city parks (especially Cherokee and Tom Sawyer), the beautiful old homes in Germantown and the rolling hills of Fisherville. I love driving on back roads to church in the fall, and I love downtown at Christmastime. I love Lynn's Paradise Cafe, QDoba, and the Homemade Ice Cream & Pie Kitchen. I LOVE Half-Price Bookstore, and I actually really love the public library chain.
I love that there are at least 4 Wal-Marts and 2 Targets within 15 minutes of my house... although I have to show some kind of financial restraint.
I love that Louisville is so big that you could live there all your life and still find something new about it. I love looking for old history and cool facts about my city (and I think that labels me as a NERD, but I've come to accept it).
I love that you can see Cards fans all over the place :)
I love that Louisville=family. They are so, so close! I love old & close friends. I love the feeling of familiarity and home.
What city do you love?

Day 21: A picture of myself

2010-11-15T21:22:00.005-06:00

easily amused.

Day 20: Nicknames

2010-11-15T08:30:00.003-06:00

Most of my nicknames are just renditions of "Emily"- Emmaline, Emilieth, Emberly, Em, Emmy, E-Dawg...
Kimberly Slice calls me Pepe :)
Of course, my hair is a magnet for nicknames- Curly, Shirley, etc.
Sometimes people prefer to call me by my middle name- Marge, Maggie, Emily Margaret (that's for you, Annie Bananie!)
The roommate calls me Rooms, appropriately.
And last, but not least, "Miss Rhodie"- given to me by my Memaw after I played my full first song on the piano!

Day 19: Something I miss

2010-11-14T13:00:00.007-06:00

I never thought that I'd look back and high school and miss it, but I truly do sometimes. I was so lucky to have best friends who were goofy, hilarious, sweet, and Christ-seeking all at the same time. The same people dressed as nerds and pirates were the same sweet girls I prayed with in a covered wagon at the beginning of senior year. I spent so much time doubled over in laughter over some inside joke or unpredictable thing that someone would do... but they were also always, always there for me. I miss having those girls in my life who know me oh-so-well, and having the consistency of seeing them every day. That's something that college just won't allow! At any rate, I am so thankful to have had a wonderful high school experience!

Yes, those would be cookies. Forget cucumbers!

Spirit Week= the best week of school

One more thing: I miss swimming! I swam alllll the time in high school, and now my schedule (and my motivation) has practically eliminated it from my life. I had some of the funniest times with teammates, and I do miss being on a sports team! Although I wasn't a superstar swimmer, I definitely enjoyed it. Working camp this summer and teaching the swim track really got me excited once again for the sport... and I wish I had the motivation to get myself up in the early mornings to start it back up again! What's it going to take to get it back on my schedule?

Day 18: Something I regret

2010-11-13T22:36:00.003-06:00

I honestly am at a loss for what to say for this post. Sure, I wish that I had invested more in people, had a little more fun sometimes, worked a little harder in some classes, skipped out on one swim meet to see the Backstreet Boys at 4th Street Live... the usual. But I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a purpose or reason, and God works absolutely everything for our (and His) good. So although I may have often acted out of selfishness, I learn from it rather than wallowing in it. Or, at least, that's what I should be doing.

Day 17: Something I'm looking forward to

2010-11-12T16:29:00.006-06:00

I'm looking forward to a lot of things!
-Seeing my totally cool boyfriend next week! (for the first time in almost a month, goodness gracious)
-Thanksgiving Break
-Seeing the fam over Thanksgiving Break
-The END of KY Geography class!
-Fiesta Explosion reunion with CK5
-Substitute teaching over winter break :)
-Going to West Africa next summer with Erin!

Day 16: My dream house

2010-11-12T00:30:00.003-06:00

It's kind of difficult for me to imagine the exterior of my dream home, because it all depends on where I end up living. The way I see it, I'll either be in the middle of the jungle, the desert, or a very hot city somewhere too close to the equator whenever I get old enough to actually own a house. Aside from that, I've always been intrigued by the process of "flipping" an old house. Practically since birth, I've had my eyes set on a little run-down house on Preston Highway. It's probably the grossest building in Louisville... but I still think it'd be so much fun to fix up! But, if I had to pick another "dream" house, this one reminds me of Little Women and would probably be the winner:

But I get more excited and just giddy when I think about the inside of the house. These pictures make me so happy:

This one screams "Don't let a child run around in here!":

A pretty & spacious sewing room:

What is a dream house without a front porch & a swing?!

Day 15: A Bible verse

2010-11-10T17:46:00.005-06:00

I took this picture from the plane, flying from California to Las Vegas. Look how far the clouds stretch! Below the clouds, the deserts of Nevada were covered in darkness... but we could clearly see the sun.

"For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." -Psalm 103:11-12

No matter how big our sins seem to be, and no matter how often we sin, God still infinitely loves and forgives us. Hallelujah, thank You Father!

Day 14: A picture I love

2010-11-09T22:51:00.006-06:00

hahahahahaha... doesn't that just crack you up?! My sister is just precious.
But really...

I love this picture so much. This precious little girl is the highlight of my week- I love going to visit my refugee families! Although she can be a little obnoxious at times and wants me all to herself, I love her like she's my little sister. And her 8th birthday is next week, so I guess I should recognize it somehow :)

Day 13: My Goals

2010-11-08T20:43:00.003-06:00

Not too long ago, I got mail from my high school youth pastor. Along with a quick encouragement to work each day towards accomplishing our goals, he included a card that I had written 5 years ago (as a sophomore in high school) describing where I saw myself in 5 years. I giggled for a while over my ambitions to be at University of Miami or UK, living in a cute little apartment, and working towards a career. In my senior yearbook, my ambitions were to attend WKU as a Public Relations major with my best friend, get married and have some beautiful kids, and live in a cute little house. Other than the "cute" living arrangements, none of these things seems to be consistent... and none of them have happened. It's funny how we spend so much of our time planning, trying to be in control of our lives, and everything changes!

I don't know the course of my life. Sure, I would love to be a wife and a mom, live overseas, and teach English as a means of getting the Gospel out- in a nutshell, those are my ambitions. But, as I have already seen, my well-planned life doesn't always work out! So, on a lighter note, I have taken a few things from the extensive Bucket List that I keep on my computer, and I have included them here. It would be so fun if these things actually happened! :)

-Meet Gloria, my sponsored girl in Guatemala
-Run a 10k (and then a half-marathon)
-Read through the entire Bible again
-Finish Granny's quilt (that has been in progress for 4 years & counting)
-Adopt some children- legally and figuratively
-Learn to fluently speak another language
-Skydive. Seriously.
-Sing in the church choir
-Learn to hardcore cook (this needs to happen sooner than later)

Day 12: What I Believe

2010-11-07T22:53:00.004-06:00

If you've ever read more than one of my blog posts, you know full well that I believe in the God of the Bible, and I love Him. I believe that He exists, He loves us, sin separates us, Jesus saved us, and all we've got to do it receive that truth. I believe that, because of what Jesus Christ did for me, I should live my entire life for His glorification. There is no other option than to praise Him!

I believe that God has a heart for the nations. It's all over the Bible. Because of that, I am compelled to share what I believe with those who may never have a chance to hear it otherwise. How will they hear unless someone is sent to them?

I believe that a smile is the best remedy for almost anything, and it is the best accessory.

I believe that you should (almost) always buy the generic brand at the grocery store.

I believe that kids have the most beautiful and trusting relationships with Christ... and I believe we don't expect enough from them.

I believe that I'd rather be fat & happy than skinny & miserable.

I believe that an encouraging note takes little effort but largely comforts. And also, I believe that we shouldn't ask "How are you?" unless we really have time for and interest in a real answer.

I believe in making a wish at 11:11.

Finally, I believe that the sunsets in my backyard are some of the best I've seen:

Day 11: Favorite TV Shows

2010-11-07T13:42:00.002-06:00

You already know that I'm not a TV-watcher. I've never seen an episode of House or Glee, and I haven't watched the news in a long time. In the olden days, I was faithful fan of "The Elephant Show," but you won't see me singing "skinamarinky dinky dink" anymore (sorry)!
If I am running on the treadmill or absolutely bored out of my mind on the ridiculously long Christmas break, however, I do find myself watching some TV:

TLC. Who doesn't love a good adoption, wedding, or baby story? "What Not to Wear" is also a favorite. I'm a sucker for a good, emotional, precious family story- I seriously cried while watching "A Baby Story" last week... while on the treadmill. That's embarrassing.

HGTV. Practically since birth, I've always wanted to be good at interior designing! As a high schooler, I even had a folder full of magazine clippings picturing ideas for my future home... it was a little over-the-top, but should give you an idea of how obsessed I get with shows like "Design on a Dime".

I Love Lucy. That counts, right? :)

Day 10: Something you're afraid of

2010-11-04T22:12:00.004-05:00

I have an irrational fear.
I fear more than wasps and feet; I fear something that I cannot control.
I fear being out of control.
I fear the times when I cannot control what's going on- when someone is very sick, when my words are not suffice to comfort someone, when people I love do not even have enough money to buy a coat for cold months. I fear the times when, no matter what I say, I cannot control someone's salvation... and it drives me crazy!
I echo Paul's sentiments in Romans 9 in that "I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart" for those who simply won't budge from their worldview. While this is a holy sorrow, I find that it turns to fear- fear that the Devil has overcome and won the victory. And amidst it all, I fear that I am the one to blame for the condition of their heart and the destiny of their soul.
To have anguish for the lost and broken is holy and good, but to fear the Devil's grip is taking trust away from Almighty God. I cannot save anyone. I cannot make anyone's lives better by my own efforts. It is up to God alone!

"And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil..." -2 Timothy 2:24-26

Day 9: A picture of your friends

2010-11-03T23:15:00.009-05:00

Blog posts like this one make me realize how absolutely and truly blessed I am to be surrounded by so many sweet, godly women who are more than willing to spur me on to love and good deeds. The older I get, the more I value the genuine and deep relationships- those which are deeply rooted in something greater than ourselves. Those sweet friends have encouraged me and taken care of me when I've been at my worst, and the only way I can think to repay them is by sending back the same encouragement and love! Paul says it in Philippians, and it is worth repeating: "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy..."

This is certainly not an exhaustive set of pictures, for I have been blessed with so many wonderful friends. However, these are a few of the people who have deeply impacted my life in some way:

I love you, friends! :)

Day 8: A place I've traveled to

2010-11-03T21:27:00.003-05:00

I thought that this would be the easiest post for me, by far, but it was strangely one of the hardest ones to decide on! I absolutely love traveling. I've been many places in the first 20 years of my life, and I definitely plan on filling that passport to the brim with stamps and visas!
Although I could pull out some fancy European town or exotic island village, I would rather share a story of a different kind. It begins with this picture, taken by my sweet friend JB:

It's no secret that I spent a wonderful summer working CentriKid with some amazing teammates. We traveled from MS to FL to LA to MO, then headed back to FL for a week before ending our stay in Talladega, AL. We visited Lamberts (the "home of throwed rolls") and held recreation games next to the ocean full of dolphins.
As with any traveling adventure, there are unexpected circumstances. Somewhere between Birmingham and St. Petersburg, something terrible on the interstate caused a standstill for nearly an hour. While the people around us were frustrated and irritated, my precious team embraced the moment with a dance party in the rain, a few woodland bathroom breaks, and naturally finding our way to the children (it happens). After all, in the midst of a long summer road trip, who wants to sit still and wait for something to happen?

Day 7: My favorite movies

2010-11-02T19:42:00.005-05:00

If you know me, you know that I don't really know a whole lot about TV entertainment. Growing up, unless it was on ESPN or the Disney Channel, I probably didn't know anything about it (other than my short American Idol and Princess Diaries obsession). However, there are a few movies that make me smile a lot!
Pride & Prejudice. Oh, Mr. Darcy.
Anything Shirley Temple- if I could meet anyone in the world, I'd meet her. As a little girl, I was exactly like her- we are long-lost twins, basically!
Phantom of the Opera- I am a sucker for movies that make me want to sing along! (I practice my opera skills while watching it, of course)

Day 6: A picture of something that makes me happy :)

2010-11-01T22:56:00.005-05:00

Well, a lot of things make me happy. It was difficult for me to come up with one, single picture that makes me very happy, but here's the two that I finally decided on:

Becca bought these for a ridiculous price at Office Depot simply because the star looked "happy." Isn't it a happy star?!

Look at that precious little one in the sparkly purple bucket hat! Her name is Anna Maria, and she lives in Guatemala. While the boys played an invigorating game of basketball with the Guatemalan teenagers, I opted out of the cheering section and found my way to this sweet little girl with a bottle of scented bubbles (best investment I've ever made). Her pose and her hat in this picture make me utterly happy... and the memories that flood my mind with this picture are so, so sweet. This picture simply makes me happy!

Day 5: My Siblings

2010-11-01T05:17:00.004-05:00

I have no problem at all talking about my great brothers and sister- in fact, I talk about them all the time! I have been so very blessed to be the oldest of 5 kids- 3 boys and 2 girls. Living in a home of so many people has provided the most entertaining moments of my life!
My sweet sister, Rebecca, is absolutely hilarious. I crack up all the time when we're together. She's got this silly way of making everyone laugh and has the greatest imagination, but she also has a very sweet spirit. We've had our fair share of hair-tugging and fighting over Barbie dolls in our young days of sharing a room, but now I consider her one of my best friends and I am so glad that she's here at college with me! I love my seestar.
Jacob is 15 and quickly becoming a giant. I come home every time to find his voice deeper and his head closer to the ceiling. I honestly think he is the sweetest boy I have ever met in my life! He is quickly becoming a man, and becoming a man who is a godly leader.
Chris(topher) is the family clown. I don't know how he does it, but every word out of his mouth seems to make our entire family bust out in laughter. He's goofy and conversational, and he never stops asking questions. He makes you wanna just smile!
Our precious youngster of the family is Andrew, and he totally milks it. Being left-handed, double jointed, and having straight hair, he's the... special... one of the fam. He's doesn't talk much... until you get him started on something he loves. I need him around to clean up after me, also- he's such a neat freak! And he's growing up more and more every day.
I absolutely LOVE my brothers & sister. When you get all 5 of us together, strange but very funny things happen. We were childhood playmates, and now we're close friends. I am so, so thankful to have such a great family!

Day 3: My Parents

2010-10-31T14:33:00.007-05:00

I have some pretty great parents, who happen to also be quite polar opposites. They have done a lot for me and my siblings, and we love them a lot! My momma is the sweetest woman I know, who genuinely cares about people and is always a great listener. She's got the greatest gift of hospitality; not one of my visiting friends has gone away hungry from our home! If I could cook, sew, multitask, and stretch money the way she does, then I'd be golden. She is definitely the image of a "helper," as the Bible commands wives to be! And her pumpkin bread is to. die. for.
My dad, the famous Stevie Ray, is a little hard to figure out until you've been around him for a while. He's goofy and tries to be funny, which makes me laugh a lot. He enjoys "sparkling conversation" and looooong walks on historical boats. He is such a hard worker and a great example of a good leader. As I've gotten older, I've recognized and appreciated the ways he's shown me discipline and grace, which help me understand my Heavenly Father more. Also, he's not afraid to wear a hat out in public that has "Hoo-Hah" written on it.
I definitely got very lucky and was blessed with two great, godly, wonderful parents! They have taught me a lot, and they are definitely my greatest supporters. They have provided a home that I still love returning to, and I love them very much!

Day 3: My First Love

2010-10-28T22:22:00.005-05:00

I don't even have to think twice about this one- my first love was my well-loved "Bunny."
Bunny went everywhere with me. I think he's technically the Velveteen Rabbit. He was handsome, cuddly, worn, and probably a little dirty from all the adventures he took with me.

Unfortunately, my life with Bunny only lasted a short while. He decided to hang out in the airport bathroom on our way back from Disney World, and I forgot to go back and get him. Actually, I don't think this was the first time it had happened, but in previous times we had remembered to run back and snatch him out of another small child's eager hands. I'm sure my parents definitely regretted that slip in memory the next night, when my 3-year-old self wailed for my sweetheart into the late night hours. But, like any other first love, he was soon replaced- and I can't help but wonder if another child adopted him or the janitor chucked him.

Day 2: Meaning of the Title of my Blog

2010-10-28T08:35:00.007-05:00

If you haven't noticed, my blog has a funky word for a title: Kasih-Mengasihi. I've mentioned it before, but it's worth sharing again- Kasih-Mengasihi has its roots in Indonesia. I'm no good at phonetics, but if I were to write out the pronunciation it would look a little something like "kahsee mengahsahee."
Honestly, I just like to say the word- it sounds almost hippie-ish. And actually, the meaning of the word sounds like the mantra of a hippie: "to love each other."
We struggle to genuinely love each other. Sure, we have those family members and best friends that we will always have & hold to love & to cherish, but beyond that... love is very conditional. Our selfish ambitions blind us of the people who really need genuine love, and we hold a lot of love back. We have been taught to look out for ourselves and to love only those who can give something back.
As Christians, we have a bigger life to live up to. We love because we have been loved. The absolute greatest commandment in the Bible is to love God with all that is in us. And out of the overflow of love that we experience from God, we will in turn want to share that love with other people! Kasih-Mengasihi... love one another. "As I have loved you, so you must love one another." -John 13:34

Kasih-Mengasihi!

Day 1

2010-10-27T07:27:00.003-05:00

Alright, I'm beginning Day 1 of the 30-Day Blog Challenge! Obviously (and hopefully), if you're reading this, you probably don't need an introduction from me. But I'll include one regardless :)

I'm Emily- a curly-haired thinker, lover, Christian, and sentimentalist. Here's 15 random things about me:

1. I'm an Elementary Education major at WKU, and I love it.
2. I am more excited about my ESL certification than my actual major. Foreign kids have a very special place in my heart.
3. My life is in my planner. If it's not in the planner, it's not in my life.
4. I feel that if I did not have my curly hair, I would not be Emily Harrod.
5. Where would I like to travel to? That's a loaded question. There are at least 6 countries on the list!
6. Speaking of traveling, I love it (in case you didn't already figure that out)- and because of that, I have friends all over the country and across the globe. And I miss them very much!
7. I get a strange thrill out of reading Elisabeth Elliot books
8. I don't watch TV... ever.
9. If you were to follow me around all day, you would probably hear me humming or singing to myself about 80% of the time
10. When it's really cold, I like to scream really loud- it gets all the chills out :)
11. I like to think. I space out a lot during times that I probably shouldn't (class, mid-conversation, etc.)
12. I am a wanna-be runner, writer, and mom. I really want to be all 3 of those things, and to be really good at them.
13. My English professor was talking about his obsession with punctuation in class today; I then decided that I have an obsession with using semicolons and correct spelling
14. I like to eat, and I like to eat a lot. Gary the food baby often appears
15. I really like Acts 20:24, and I'm attempting to live by it

30-Day Challenge

2010-10-26T22:49:00.002-05:00

My friend Mary Chase, who is simply one of the most precious and encouraging people I know, has started a 30-day blog challenge. Now, the word challenge intimidates me and makes me want to run away, but it has been fun to read all her sweet posts! I've decided that I want to try it, as well. I may not be very consistent and faithful to post every day, but I'd like to at least try :)

So here's the "challenge." Tomorrow starts Day 1!

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you’re afraid of
Day 11-Favorite tv shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you’ve learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30- a picture

My Battle Cry

2010-10-19T19:34:00.003-05:00

My struggle is not against flesh & blood- those perish easily and are targeted easily. No- my struggle is against spiritual forces of evil. I am in a war- a war of my mind. The enemy tells me I am inadequate for the job; he tells me no one wants to support me; he plants doubt in my mind about my Commanding Officer. Every morning, when I feel refreshed and excited to serve as a part of His army, the enemy finds my vulnerabilities and attacks. He knows each one, and he viciously stings right where I will feel it most. He writes words and phrases across banners in my mind: "You're alone." "Doubt." "Is this really Truth?" "You're ineffective." "This is all pointless." "Hopeless."

I am blindsided by the raging river and torrent of lies- lies that seem so much to be truth. The enemy, the Deceiver, he looks so attractive. He makes everything seems so real and so easy, and I quickly consider moving to his side. It seems so much easier over there- less work, more fun, more friends... right? I slowly take a few hesitant steps in his direction. My Commanding Officer stops me in my tracks. But it is not Him that I see- it is His banner above that I see, as I reach the outskirts of His camp. The banner I see above me, it says nothing but "LOVE." I see the banner over me- the banner of love. I remember my Commander, and I am reminded of the reason I joined the battle in the first place. The banner of lies that the Enemy strategically planted in my mind suddenly disappear, and I begin a slow walk back into the camp. I want so badly to run and be reunited with my Commander, an effective and passionate soldier for Him, but the enemy's loud and ringing words nearly cripple me and tempt me to turn back around. Yet every time I turn around, I see the banner of love boldly jumping out at me.

I am tired of standing between camps. I am tired of listening to the enemy, looking to his banners, and falling for his lies. I am bruised from his schemes, and I have betrayed my Commander all too often. So here is my battle cry to the enemy, the Deceiver:

Enemy, I am standing firm. No matter how many times you prowl around, looking to devour me, I will stand firm and steadfast. I am resisting you- now, flee from me! You offer suggestions often, and they sound true. You are bold enough to get inside my head and hiss lies in my mind- but I am committed to my Commanding Officer. I do not pretend to have enough strength to fight you on my own- although I have tried doing it to please other people, and I have failed. You know my weaknesses, and you know exactly how to make me fail. But that is why I proudly follow my Commander- and He happens to also be my Father. He makes mountains tremble at the sound of His voice, He snuffs out nations in one breath, and He is the One who sends lightning bolts on their way. Does your dad do that?!
You may masquerade yourself to deceive me, but my Father knows who you are- always. He knows you better than you know yourself! That is why, from now on, I will not listen to your lies without first bringing them before my Father. And when I am in those weakest moments, dejected and alone, His power is displayed to the highest degree.

So bring it on, Enemy. I will stand firm against your schemes because I have a Father & Commander who can see every single slimy lie you try to slip inside my mind. Your banners over me are lies; His banner over me is Love. And I completely trust Him to protect His undeserving, weak, loved little girl soldier.

The Road Not Taken

2010-10-19T18:06:00.004-05:00

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference

You cannot make your own heart beat

2010-10-11T23:31:00.004-05:00

This woman gives an incredible and bold testimony before politicians about God's grace and the horrors of abortion... it is so worth watching!

PS, don't mind the European subtitles :)

Gianna Jessen, abortion survivor

Destination: AFRICA!

2010-10-06T18:04:00.006-05:00

I have been incredibly blessed to have grown up in a church that encourages missions so much! Throughout my middle school and high school years, I was given so many opportunities to share the Gospel with people from all over. Even now, in college, I have found the best church ever, where missions is just as much emphasized.

Louisville & Bowling Green...

(refugees)

(Down Syndrome of Louisville)

Across the United States...

(THIRST trips- Philly, Baltimore, NYC, Toronto, Indy...)

Guatemala...

Indonesia...
I have been so privileged to be a part of God's Kingdom work across the globe! What's next for me? West Africa! Erin, David, and I will be going across the ocean to partner with a missionary family in serving the Songhai people next summer. It seems a far way off, but for those of you who actually read this blog- your prayers as we already begin preparation would be SO appreciated!!

I'm working on this.

2010-10-02T14:50:00.004-05:00

"The fullest expression of Christian living has to be a combination of God's truth entering the head, igniting the heart, and outworking through the hands. If we're going to enjoy the fullness of his grace more perfectly, there has to be an entrance of the truth into the head that affects the heart and comes out through the hands."
-Thabiti Anyabwile

I think that I have everything about that backwards. To be sure, it is very good and very Biblical to be taught Scriptural truths from birth, but I think it has desensitized me to the the overwhelming truth of God.... which means that I only focus on the outworking of my hands. And the ironic thing is, when I only focus on what my hands are doing for God, it becomes a very selfish and prideful thing- and I forget entirely about God's truth!
So now, I am working on allowing God's truth to enter my head, in its purest form. Then, I hope it will ignite my heart and overflow by the working of my hands. Until then, everything I do is done merely out of pride and obligation.

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." -Galatians 5:6

Job (Part 3 of 3)

2010-09-28T19:43:00.005-05:00

Complaining about one’s suffering is quite possibly the most selfish thing a person could do.

Did you catch that?

It’s a bold statement, of which I would love to hear your opinion- really. When we suffer, we often find ourselves being the victims of God. We ask Him to stop our agony, we beg for Him to take away the pain, we search for a reason as to why we are suffering. But maybe, just maybe, God really does have a divine purpose for our suffering?

Let’s go back to Job- the man who suffered at the expense of his family, estate, and health. He was a godly man, and he could not find a reason for his suffering. As we saw in Part 2, Job prayed… and prayed… and prayed… and God did not answer for a long time. And when He did finally answer, it was absolutely nothing that Job ever expected! God’s simple answer to Job is spread out over four chapters in question form. He asks Job:

38:4- “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?”

38:18- “Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?”

38:35- “Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’?”

39:19- “Do you give the horse his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane?”

Rather than giving Job a concrete reason for his suffering, God boldly questions Job about his doubt in God’s power and sovereignty. The truth of the matter is that God doesn’t have to have a reason. To be sure, He does not enjoy seeing His people suffer, but He always is in control and always knows what’s going on. Rather than complaining to God, we should consider trusting Him and waiting patiently for Him to reveal His purposes.

There is sin in the world- that is undeniable. Therefore, bad things will happen to believers and nonbelievers. But God is still God, and He still watches over us. So maybe the purpose of Job’s suffering was only so He could have an increased faith in God- and that would be a great thing! My favorite verse in the entire book of Job is 42:5, in which Job humbles himself and understands that his faith has been lacking. He says,

“My ears had heard of You, but now my eyes have seen You.”

Job had certainly heard of what God had done in the lives of the Israelites- to be sure, he was a God-fearing man. But all of the stories and testimonies of other people had not truly taken root in his heart to grow a believing faith- so maybe God used this period of suffering as a time to reveal His glory to Job and to increase Job’s faith! We do not understand the depth of our faith until it is tested and stretched… and I think Job’s test proved that he needed just a smidge more faith in God.

My ears have heard of God, but I long for my eyes to see Him. Rather than complaining about suffering, a selfish act indeed, maybe I should rejoice in my sufferings as it says in the New Testament:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” –James 1:2-3

My eyes had heard of God, but I now desire for my eyes to see Him. My cry is that of the disciples in Luke 17:5, in which they say "Lord, increase our faith!" despite the suffering it may take to get there!

2010-09-26T17:33:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I must remind myself of what gives me the most joy... things like visiting my refugee kids. What lights you up and re-energizes you?

Job (Part 2 of 3)

2010-09-14T19:46:00.003-05:00

“This is the place of prayer- on the battlefield of the world. It is a wartime walkie-talkie, not a domestic intercom to increase the comforts of the saints.” –John Piper

There’s an intercom in my house, and it’s pretty awesome. With one push of a button, someone in an upstairs bedroom could talk to someone on the basement patio or the hidden sewing room! It’s a pretty neat little contraption when Mom needs to call all kids to the kitchen to set the table for dinner, but it’s more frequently used by everyone else to repeatedly call Mom’s name in a moment of “crisis” until she finally answers.

Sometimes, as John Piper suggests, we use prayer as an intercom to God. When things are suddenly weighing upon us, we wake up to the existence of prayer, expecting God to be ready to answer at any moment.

When Job’s life was suddenly crumbled and depleted, he cried out to God for an answer. But even after repeated prayers and painful agony, he still received no direct answer. What was going on? Job says,

“I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me.” –v. 20

Job got a serious lesson in perseverance. His family was killed, his crops and herds were gone, and he had nasty sores that he scraped with broken pottery… gross. He had absolutely nothing left. After weeks had gone by, Job began to wonder just why God was not answering- and he was given a brutal verbal smackdown by a young man in the community, Elihu, who spoke these words:

“When times get bad, people cry out for help. They cry for relief from being kicked around, but never give God a thought when things go well, when God puts spontaneous songs in their hearts, when God sets out the entire creation as a science classroom, using birds and beasts to teach wisdom. People are arrogantly indifferent to God- until, of course, they’re in trouble, and then God is indifferent to them. There’s nothing behind such prayers except panic; the Almighty pays them no mind. So why would he notice you just because you say you’re tired of waiting to be heard, or waiting for him to get good and angry and do something about the world’s problems?” –vs. 35:9-15 (the Message)

Does this sound all too familiar? When bad things happen to us, we get antsy and want God to fix things immediately. As Piper said, we use prayer as an intercom for immediate access to God and maximum comfort in life. When something in life goes wrong- a death, an illness, financial struggles, losing a job, things don’t go according to plan- we are tempted to complain to God and expect immediate results. I’m sure Job wanted those sores to go away as soon as possible! But we must keep in mind that prayer is a tool we must be constantly using, expecting God’s great plan for you to unfold over the course of your life (not always immediately).

It’s inevitable; bad things will happen in our lives. Things that we least expect are going to hit us. But even so, we must be patient and wait for the Lord’s timing to answer (and it may not always be an answer we want to hear).

I love James 5:16- “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful & effective.” God does hear our prayers at all times, and He is moved by them. But we must be continually offering up our prayers to Him (in good and bad times), much like a soldier sends messages to his commander through a wartime walkie-talkie. We communicate to God, and God communicates to us- although He may not always answer with the fluffy answers we expect!

God does eventually answer Job’s cries… but we’ll see what He answers with in Part 3!

Job (Part 1 of 3)

2010-09-08T19:06:00.003-05:00

Shelter.

That’s all I needed in the midst of the summer downpour… a roof over my head and a table to lay my Bible on. The rain beat down above and around me, but the cozy gazebo on the banks of a little lake in the middle of a city park was all I needed in order to hear from God. I cannot begin to describe in full the warmth and peace I felt in that moment, and the lessons I learned from the hour or two underneath that protective little shelter.

While waiting for the rain to pass so I could get up and leave, God provided me a lot of insight to the book of Job and how it applies so vividly to my life. I am not theologically intelligent or super smart on these matters; these are simply my thoughts on Job’s life and its connection to the life of a Christian. So, here we go! I hope you’ll follow along.

If you are not familiar with the story of Job, or you just need a little refresher, go here or open your Bible to the book of Job and read it- especially chapters 1 & 2!

Job lost everything. Everything. And it all was ultimately to strengthen his faith and knock down Satan’s pride. But what baffles me the most is that Job’s friends, the ones who were entrusted with the task of comforting Job, insisted that he must have sinned in some horrendous way to deserve these things! Almost the entire first half of the book is full of persuasive and condescending speeches given by the 3 friends in sackcloth.

The three friends constantly prod Job with an insist to “approach God” and forgive his sins. A constant theme in this first half of the book is the need for someone who will work on Job’s behalf and appease God’s wrath. Does this sound familiar? Jesus Christ is the answer to all of Job’s questions about his sin and God’s wrath! Although Job’s suffering had nothing to do with his sins, I still wish the 3 friends had been more aware of what was to come, hundreds of years later, through the cross of ultimate redemption.

God most definitely has wrath for all of our sins, but guess what? Christ appeased that wrath and covered up all of our sins! And because of that, God sees us as blameless and worthy of having a relationship with Him. I love what it says in Hebrews 7:26-27, which describes how great Christ’s gift to us truly was:

“Such a high priest meets our need- one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens. Unlike the other high priests, he does not need to offer sacrifices day after day, first for his own sins, and then for the sins of the people. He sacrificed for their sins once for all when he offered himself.”

Do you realize what this means to us?! In the days of Job, we would have had to sacrifice constantly, for every sin. And without the hope of Christ, if Job had not been seen as “pure and blameless” while offering sacrifices constantly for his sin, something could have gone terribly wrong. But the great news for us (and for Job!) is that Christ became the ultimate sacrifice, covering up our sin forever, if we will only accept that. No more animal sacrifices, and no questioning whether or not we are being punished for our sin. We are saved because of the high priest who meets our needs!

As Christians, I believe it is fitting that we take this verse from Hebrews 10:39 as our anthem, based on the joyful good deed Christ has done for us:

"We are not of those who shrink back & are destroyed; but of those who believe & are saved!"

So, Job endures this mysterious suffering for a long time… does God ever relieve him of this agony?? We’ll find out in part 2 :)

Dust Collector

2010-09-04T22:20:00.004-05:00

Today, while at the flea market, I decided that I should be collecting something other than the dust on my neglected jewelry box... and what did I come up with? Teapots. Something about walking around the musty aisles and aisles of old glass, carvings, and shiny things made me want to A) have an apartment to decorate with all these wonderful things, B) become the crafty person I've recently aspired to be, and C) have a shelf full of random junk that I find at places like Flea Land. Also, I've decided I want my sewing machine, yards of fabric, a pattern, and a rainy afternoon to make something out of virtually nothing. None of this really matters, but I just decided that teapots make me happy, and this particular one was only $3. The End.

Why I Love the Gospel

2010-08-31T16:26:00.005-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the Gospel, and where I fit into God's plan to share it. This past Sunday, we talked about the phenomenon of the Gospel in Living Hope's college class, and I was nearly blown out of my seat with newfound amazement at the power and gift of the Gospel. I mean, think about it... if it weren't for Jesus, we would still be offering up animal sacrifices every time we even looked at someone wrong. Personally, I'm not sure that way of living would appeal to me! I highly encourage you to read Hebrews 10, which makes the reader aware of Christ's very real gift to us by providing us with an ultimate sacrifice. Here's just a small tidbit of that chapter (although I should just write it all out; it excites me!):

"Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when this Priest [Jesus] had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, He sat down at the right hand of God. Since that time He waits for His enemies to be made His footstool, because by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy." -Hebrews 10:11-14

Isn't that incredible?! Jesus Christ was the ultimate sacrifice, so that we would not have to keep trying to abide by the law and be bound by it. When I watch those who follow other religions than Christianity (or live by a Christianity that is not Christ-following), my heart grows heavy and my mind spins in circles. I remember watching Balinese women lay incense offerings before their temples several times a day, just hoping that the fragrance would appease the wrath of whatever's out there. I remember talking with a Guatemalan woman who was unable to experience God's grace because she was trying too hard just to do the right thing. Her sacrifices came in the form of physical and emotional pain each day as she tried to be "perfect" for God. I plan on going to west Africa next summer, and I am prepared to experience even more of this sacrificial lifestyle. We see so much of this in America, as well.
Through all of this, I have found a hope and a dire need for Jesus as my Ultimate Sacrifice.
If it were up to me and my daily sacrifices, I would fall to complete ruin... but God has provided forgiveness. What a sweet, sweet word!
I'm thankful for the Gospel. I learned the basics of the Gospel message at an early age, but I am completely floored by it more every time I hear about it! I'm thankful that I no longer am obligated to sacrifice out of fear and obligation to the law... Christ was the ultimate sacrifice. And because I take so much joy in my life from this truth, I see no greater ambition in life than to share it with people who have never heard of it.

Offerings, thrown in the sewer after fulfilling their purpose:

"For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than offerings." -Hosea 6:6

Behind the OMC

2010-08-24T08:55:00.002-05:00

If you've been keeping up with my blog at all, then you will have already read what I'm about to share it with you. But, for everyone else, go here to check out my post on CentriKid's Behind the OMC blog- a blog to keep old and new camp staff, office staff, and visitors up to date on just what happens when CentriKid Camps are not in session. CK5 has a pretty nice sized photo plastered right in the middle of my post :)

From Wailing to Dancing

2010-08-20T21:52:00.012-05:00

Sometimes I get these swelling feelings of love and appreciation that I can't suppress, and I have decided to share some of those joyous thoughts with you. I am back in Bowling Green to begin my junior year of college (which is mind-blowing), and my heart is full. I have some of the greatest friends & family, and I have never felt more loved or wanted to love people so much in my life- honest. And today, I realized even more how far God has brought me and taught me since those lonely days of middle school- those days were full of self-pity and loneliness, but now my days are full of joy and love. One of my favorite verses comes from Psalm 30:11-12, and it perfectly embodies how my Heavenly Father has changed my outlook on life:

"You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and NOT be silent. O Lord, my God, I will give you thanks forever!"

I am so thankful for the people God specifically places in my life to show me how much He loves me. Funny how God works, right? And to close, some shots of the last few wonderful weeks of my life that have truly filled my cup with joy:

CK5 fills my heart with joy. Period.

Spending time with Erin makes makes me love Jesus more :)

Family Pictures

Weekend with Dave

Lynn's with the ladies- I always miss them!

Lake with the cousins (or... not the lake...)

Last, a special 3 days with Pepe and Tarah :)

Suffering and Showers of Blessings

2010-08-13T08:01:00.004-05:00

Do you ever feel like you are over-blessed? I do. I come from a great home background that is made complete with a great family, amazing church, impeccable health, and adequate financial support. I go to a wonderful school where my education is paid for and I am surrounded by loyal friends. To be completely honest, I want for nothing. I have been given everything I need, and then some!

I have met so many people who are entirely "less fortunate." I met kids at camp who were experiencing things in their family that I never could even imagine in my own life. I have worked alongside people in Bowling Green who do not even have dinner on their table every night. My own family members are struggling through severe physical complications. In each of these instances, I have seen people learn incredible lessons on faith in God. Death, sickness, and the like are opportune moments for God's people to learn to depend on Him wholeheartedly- and there are multiple instances in the Bible that support this (Job, Romans 5:1-5, James 1:2-4).
I have seen the phenomenal ways God has spoken to His children when they rejoice in their sufferings and hardships, and the faith that is produced from this kind of experience is something I want so badly! I have consistently cried out a prayer much like the disciples did in Luke 17:5, in which they cry, "Increase our faith!" Because of my observations, I began asking God if He might allow me to suffer in order that I would have the faith. He didn't answer in the way I expected.

In my search to find the answer to this, I was led to Proverbs 30:7-8. It says this:

"Two things I ask of you, O Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread."

After reading this passage, I get it... or, at least, I think I do. God is the Giver of all circumstances, whether they are blessings or hardships, and He uses each of them to increase our faith in Him! Rather than praying for suffering or for blessings to come upon us, all of mankind should be asking God for just enough to remind us to depend on Him. Although I may often see my blessings as a crutch to total dependence on my Heavenly Father, I should continue to be thankful for each of them and seek to depend on Him even still!

It's okay that I am not going through some harrowing experience that causes me to impulsively run to God, my strong tower. He is my refuge and my strength, the Giver of my daily bread. So rather than asking for suffering, I will ask God for just my daily bread, that I may learn to have increased faith in Him.

More on this soon... I'm currently intrigued by the book of Job, and you will be hearing about it soon :)

An Invitation to the Thirsty

2010-08-09T15:00:00.003-05:00

Over the course of the summer, I learned what it's like to be thirsty. More importantly, I learned what wrath could ensue from an intense thirst- that is, the wrath of 20 sprinting third graders in the sweltering heat when you are the only thing between them and an orange water cooler. I was usually able to stop the mob of crazy kids from attacking the precious agua, but I have bruises to prove that it was a well-fought battle. Those kids were thirsty.

Although water is the choice for hot summer days, there are other things we crave just as much. I love the way the Bible describes our thirst for God in Psalm 42:1:

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God."

I think it's funny that we can pant for God... and yet it totally makes sense to me. When we have been lacking in discipline and time with God, we begin to feel it. It's an aching and longing sense that something is not right, and we do everything in our power to get back to a place of communion with Him. Kind of like sprinting towards a water cooler, right?

I have found that I feel the farthest away from God in times of impatience and weariness. I am still trying to figure out if this is a correlation to the events going on in my life at the moment, or if it is just because I have been lazily ignoring Him, but nevertheless I have seen this to be a pattern. My soul feels merely existent, rather than alive and excited. This problem has been around for generations: Isaiah 55 pleads for us to come to God, "that your soul may live!" I think that our lack of desire to pant for God exists when we are not believing in what He can do with our lives. Here's a snapshot of what God says through Isaiah about thirsting for trust and faith in Him:

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.'" (vs. 8-11)

When we trust that God's word will not return void to us, that He knows exactly what is going on and what He's doing, we can pant for more of Him and sprint wholeheartedly towards a deeper relationship with the one who can lighten up our souls! And, like those thirsty third graders, we can make a scene as we sprint towards the One thing our souls truly crave and need... and people will notice what means the most to us.

The Gift of Friendship

2010-08-07T00:44:00.003-05:00

"Friendship is a priceless gift
that can't be bought or sold,
But its value is far greater
than a mountain made of gold"
-The Gift of Friendship by Helen Steiner Rice

In my mind, a good friend is someone who can make me laugh and make me love Jesus more. I happen to have several of those friends, and I'm not sure why God decided to bless me with so many of them. Coming home from camp made me realize I have a lot of catching up to do with friends from home, yes, but I also realized how great it is to establish those camp friendships in the "outside world." Throughout the summer, we wrote encouraging notes to one another and put the notes in our "mailbox." They were a great pick-me-up in the middle of the week, and they always gave me a more excited heart for ministry & for serving God! What if I did this at home?
When I think about all of my closest friends, I get so excited to think that most of them stimulate my heart for Jesus Christ in a way I could never motivate myself on my own. How great is that to think about?! God calls us to carry burdens for one another, pray for each other, and encourage one another daily... and my friends do just that for me! It's so wonderful to know that I know that I know someone is lifting me up in prayer constantly, and they are just a quick phone call away from a Christ-honoring conversation.
So what about you... how today have you encouraged someone and built them up?

Wings of Prayer

2010-08-03T15:29:00.003-05:00

by Helen Steiner Rice (one of my favorites!)

Just close your eyes and open your heart
And feel your worries and cares depart
Just yield yourself to the Father above
And let Him hold you secure in His love

For He hears every prayer and answers each one
When we pray in His name, "Thy will be done"
And the burdens that seemed too heavy to bear
are lifted away on the wings of prayer

What I've learned working CentriKid

2010-08-02T21:52:00.003-05:00

It is really difficult for me to put my finger on just what exactly I should be writing about right now... it's been so long since I had a chance to sit down and write out all my thoughts! I returned home Saturday evening from an incredible summer working CentriKid, a camp for 3-6th graders that teaches the basic concepts behind John 1:12. I saw God work in powerful, vocal, and undeniable ways throughout the summer: He was my sustainer when I felt like I could not go on anymore, my strength when I was so tired and weak, my motivation when I felt apathetic, my Messiah when I realized just how big of a gap He bridged at the cross, and my friend during the many times I ran to Him in prayer.
God was definitely in the midst of camp this entire summer. Never have I felt the Holy Spirit so much in my friendships and in my prayer life, and never will I forget those moments when the Holy Spirit changed kids' lives each week. If I could have even one more chance to watch the face of a child who has just become a child of God, I would give anything. The joy that the Holy Spirit provides is so wonderful!
I have learned that we need to encourage one another and build each other up as Christian brothers & sisters. I was surrounded by an incredible group of Christians all summer- the 23 other people that I spent my summer with are solid, inspiring followers of Christ. We were able to pray with one another, support one another, and teach one another, and they were the most fulfilling relationships I think I have ever had. I have learned that when Christ truly is at the center of any relationship (and not just in theory, but in practice), He will cause that bond to be stronger than any other- and much more lasting. As I look back to the other key friendships in my life that were bound by Christ, I can definitely provide evidence that the Holy Spirit is the strongest bond of any friendship. And I am so excited to see where these friendships lead to! I know that I will not be able to stay in touch with all 23 people, but I do know that the Lord has given me a large handful of wonderful people whom God will use to grow me as a daughter of Christ.

So to wrap up this word vomit, I would just like to say that I began this summer a little skeptical of the outcome. I didn't really have a happy heart about working camp initially, but I have left forever changed. And even if I forget everything else I have learned, I know that this one truth will remain still: "The power of sin is broken and I have been set free, for I have died and JESUS is alive in me!"

I am Unique

2010-07-16T00:42:00.002-05:00

I love that God uses us each in unique ways to fulfill His purposes! Last week, He used my curly hair to connect with another Shirley Temple look-alike in order to talk about the Gospel. And this week... He showed me once again just where He has placed my passion.
I talked with a girl tonight who surrendered her life to missions in India... a 5th grader. It was the most incredible thing to experience, because I felt like I was talking with a spiritually mature peer or something- this girl is so wise and passionate! After showing her my favorite verse, Acts 20:24, she nodded and wiped away welling tears. It was so refreshing and exciting to see a child with that much pure passion for the glory of God. I cannot tell you the feelings that went through my bones after I left her dorm and walked back to the rest of the team... absolute awe at God and how He works. And then I gave her a silly band, of course.
There are so many stories I could share about the kids I met these past 2 weeks at SBU for CentriKid... God has worked in visible and beautiful ways! I have doubted and nearly given up at times, but He continues to be faithful. He is working on the hearts of these kids, and I am satisfied to be a seed-planter... it's all for Him!

Daily

2010-07-08T22:56:00.004-05:00

This won't be long, but I just want to say that camp this week was phenomonal in a different kind of way. Actually, it's not over until tomorrow, but I am so thankful for how God continues to mold me and use me in a unique way to minister to kids. Everything from my hair to my testimony has been used to share Jesus and share comfort with sweet kids this week! Getting dizzy blowing up inflatable rafts, breaking down in locker rooms, a nasty cold, and a hoarse voice are enough for me to want to surrender to the Devil... until I read in God's Word that He daily carries our burdens and is still mighty to save!!

I made it my personal goal this week to love the unloved and have more intentional conversations... and the Lord certainly provided. I am full to the brim with blessings from those relationships and conversations, and could go on for days about them. Isn't God great?! I love Him.

Also, our precious 3rd graders won the Spirit Seal for OMC last Thursday... yay :) We are small, but we are mighty!

Strength

2010-07-02T02:57:00.003-05:00

One thing that never ceases to blow my mind is that God is sustainer. But He is not only that; He is our strength when we seem to have absolutely nothing else to give! I have found that, even when I don't even have enough strength left to pull myself out of bed at 6:30 a.m. to set up a field full of recreation equipment, God always seems to jerk me with energy in just enough time for kids to come pouring in a door at stampede-speed just hours later. No matter how many times I complain in my weakness, He still seems to give me strength!
I know I read this in the Bible all the time, but it's so cool to actually "taste and see" the experience of God's strength showing up in the midst of my weakness. 2 Corinthians tells us that God's power is made perfect in our weakness. Isn't that incredible? We can only have a better idea of His almighty strength when we are in desperate need of it!

I am so, so, so excited to see what other exciting things I will learn about God in the coming weeks... it's pretty fun!

We are the Children of God

2010-06-22T22:36:00.009-05:00

I have a hoarse voice, an awesome farmers tan, and a guitar silly band. All these things come with a great experience at CentriKid camps!
So this week at Eckerd College in St. Pete, Satan has tried his hardest to stop our team from allowing God to use us. We had a massive storm on opening night, a lot of very sick staffers, and other exciting experiences. But our awesome staff has relied on Christ, and God definitely showed us His presence tonight! The Holy Spirit was clearly evident in the auditorium tonight when our camp pastor gave the invitation, and campers were able to talk with us or with their church group leader more about becoming a child of God. That's what CK camps this summer is all about: Bon Appetit, finding the recipe for your life, and becoming a child of God. It has been so encouraging to see that, although we had been saying that God really is always there, it really hit home for us tonight. Kids' lives are being changed, and they are taking it back to their churches at home to share with friends!! (Um, a 3rd grader bought 24 Bibles to bring back to their friends. Yes.)
So anyway, the promised photos:

I have 3rd graders for Bible Study- go team Yellow 1!!!

To go along with the theme, Bon Appetit, these are my top chefs! :)

My Bible Study room: I absolutely loved decorating my own room!

All summer we are talking about the Roma people and Current Canada, in a partnership with the IMB. I cried when I saw kids giving sacrifically to the missions offering (example: "Should I buy glowsticks or give my money to the offering so the Roma can hear about Jesus?")

One of my fantastic fellow staffers!

And another sweet staffer:

So, it stormed a lot (at inconveniet times) at Lake Yale. But, that's Florida, right? Even so, we praise Him in the storm and in the calmness. Our God is so great and always in control!

Week 1

2010-06-20T14:47:00.002-05:00

Well, week 1 of CentriKid Camps with team CK5 has come to a close, and the next round of kiddos are set to come tomorrow morning!! It's crazy how quickly time has flown. I made relationships with girls, invested time in them, and said goodbye all in a matter of 5 days. Being on this team, I have done things I never thought I would do: load & unload trucks, dance/lip sync to a song on stage in front of hundreds of people, walk around sweaty all day, help in an Art Studio (I know, I should not be there), and drive a 12-passenger van. But the funny thing is, I absolutely love it all!

God is teaching me a lot about trusting in Him as my Sustainer. There are times during the day when I do not feel like moving one more muscle or straining my tired vocal chords one more time, but somehow He provides every single time. Psalm 54:4 has become my anthem: "Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me."

I was not able to teach my track time (Splish Splash) last week because of scheduling conflicts, but it was a blessing in disguise for multiple reasons. I am thankful that, even though life does not always go as planned, my time at Lake Yale & Eckerd College was well spent and will be glorifying my Father in Heaven. He's the one who sustains me!

Also, I'm working on getting pictures up here... we're having issues. Soon, I promise.

Picnics and Road Trips

2010-06-11T23:33:00.002-05:00

It's humid and full of gators, but it's home for the next week!! Last night/morning (3 a.m.), CK5 rolled into Lake Yale Conference Center in sunny Florida to begin setting up for the first week of camp! By the end of the summer, my team will have an unbelievable farmers tan and bulging biceps from unloading the Ryder trucks, but it will be so much fun. We've trained and ingrained our Bible Study, recreation games, and track times (lessons- mine is Splish Splash, or pool games!!!) into our heads, and it's quite overwhelming, but by the end of the summer I am sure we will be seasoned CK pros.
The downside to my week has been my unfailing forgetfulness- no matter where I am, I will always forget something important. My phone charger is MIA (a.k.a., at Millsaps College in Mississippi), but God is still sovereign and He won't let Satan have victory over my enthusiasm or patience. So continue to pray for our team and for our unity, excitement, and encounters with campers next week!!! Here we go!

"Waiting"

2010-06-03T13:34:00.002-05:00

(a poem by SD Gordon)

Steadfastness, that is, holding on
Patience, that is, holding back
Expectancy, that is, holding the face up
Obedience, that is, holding one's self in readiness to go or do
Listening, that is, holding quiet & still, so as to hear
How long, Lord, must I wait?
"Never mind, child. Trust me."

Extra-Appreciation

2010-06-02T11:11:00.007-05:00

It's been a strange summer break for me. After charging home at breakneck speed after an encounter with forgetfulness and domination of a French test, I was able to spend some time with sweet friends from high school and THEN see most of my family at a graduation celebration for my dear sister. It's hard to describe my attachment to home. There's something about going back to the familiar and comfortable, where everybody really does know your name, that is so happy and cozy.I like to come home to my super-size family and see how much taller my brother has become (he's taller every time), how many more curtains Mom has put up, and what other articles of clothing my sister has conveniently moved from my closet to her own. Also, I like our couches- they're comfy. And yummy food.

I like to see my friends from high school- they make me laugh. I don't get to catch up often with them, but I love when we do. It's funny that, no matter how much time we spend apart, we can pick back up right where we left off and still laugh our heads off and encourage each other! It does make me sad that I can't see them more often, though. There are few friends in this world that I know genuinely love me for me, and my friends from home are those kind of friends.

There is some kind of comfort to going home that you just can't get from any other person or place when you're away. It's strange that I am rarely in my hometown ever anymore; I guess that's another passage right to growing up. Weekends home are always overwhelming because of all the familiar faces and places all at once, but I love every second of it! Attending the sister's high school graduation this weekend made me think about where I was just 2 years ago. It's crazy that life has changed so much in such a short amount of time! I am very, very thankful for the people who raised me up to who I am today- the people I will always remember as molding or building the foundation for my personality, character, faith, and desires. My family, my friends, my church, my school... I extra-appreciated it all this weekend, if that's a word. And I'm thankful :)

Summer 2010... write me! :)

2010-05-27T13:34:00.002-05:00

As most of you know, I will be spending most of my summer working with Centri-Kid as a camp staffer! I'll be leading Bible studies, teaching kids how to swim and playing tons of pool games, and lots of other fun things! I would definitely appreciate your prayers this summer.

If you want to keep up with CK5's work this summer, you can follow us on twitter at www.twitter.com/centrikid5
AND
you can also check Kasih-Mengasihi periodically- I'll try to update it as often as possible!

Also, I would LOVE snail mail! It would make my day! Our team travels a lot, so if you ever care to send me anything, look below for dates & addresses!

Emily Harrod
attn: Centri-kid Staff

June 11-18
Lake Yale Baptist Conference Center
39034 County Road 452
Leesburg, FL 34788

June 21-25
Eckerd College
4200 54th Avenue South
St. Petersburg, FL 33711

June 28-July 2
Louisiana College
1140 College Drive
P.O. Box 562
Pineville, LA 71359

July 5-16
Southwest Baptist University
Attn: Conference Center
1600 University Avenue
Bolivar, MO 65613

July 19-23
Eckerd College
4200 54th Avenue South
St. Petersburg, FL 33711

July 26-30
Shocco Springs
1314 Shocco Springs Road
P.O. Box 886
Talladega, AL 35161

One small request

2010-05-25T14:48:00.002-05:00

Pray for the Chinese, and for those sharing Christ with them right now.

"Makes me wanna SHOUT...

2010-05-23T22:20:00.004-05:00

...Hallelujah, thank You Jesus; Lord You're worthy of all the glory & all the honor, & all the praise!..."

This is just a quick note to say that, every single day, I always find reasons to rejoice. I am constantly learning more and more things about God and His character. No matter what happens, every situation has a purpose, and it's always to glorify the Lord. I wish people had time and interest enough to listen to me ramble on about the things God has taught me recently or has shown me in order to blow me away with His incredible-ness... but I'll save it. Then again, though, isn't it good to tell of the good things He has done? I don't know. I am at a loss for how to go about this.

Also, yesterday I finished up Revelation, which concludes my journey to read through the Bible- and it took me almost exactly one year! Again, I have learned so much. There is so much I could say! I am seriously busting at the seams right now.

Life at Long-Distance

2010-05-19T17:39:00.005-05:00

I realized recently that about 95% of the people I care the most about (or who care the most about me) do not live in the same place I live. My life has been characterized by relationships built quickly in one place followed by a prolonged separation. I can testify to the age-old saying that "absence/distance makes the heart grow fonder," and can pull out several cases to prove it.
I often grow tired of using the phrase "I miss you." I have uttered those words to more people more frequently than I would like, and am constantly longing to see certain people.
I have amazing friends. Though I am not there for them all the time, I know that they are only a phone call away. In my time of need yesterday, I was able to call friends hours away and comfort or be comforted by them in a godly, encouraging way. Whenever I go home, I know I will always be welcomed by familiar family and friends who miss me as much as I miss them. When my friends go away to far away places, I know that they will eventually come back, and that they will not forget about me.
Relationships defined by distance reach an entirely new level- I have seen this to be true so many times. I have come to appreciate these people for their encouragement, prayers, and character- not only by their fun personalities or ability to make me laugh, although most possess these fantastic qualities (and more!). I have been encouraged in my walk in the Lord in so many ways through these incredible people.

When I read through the New Testament, I often see the apostle Paul longing to see different people. His life was defined by the making of new friends and leaving them soon after for another missionary journey. In Acts 20, it tells of his tearful good-bye with the Ephesians, and in 1 Thessalonians, his intense longing to see the people of Thessalonica is revealed. Even Jesus longed to see friends far away: his friendship with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus was treasured. In the case of both Jesus and Paul, they considered relationships to be dear to their hearts, but not enough to hinder their ministry. They kept these relationships for encouragement and for accountability. What great examples!

I have pretty much determined that my future will not promise a permanent home close to family and friends. The cost of discipleship does not allow for it, nor will my ambitions to reach the nations make it plausible. In one sense, this makes me sad. But in another light, I am so thankful for the great people who have been placed directly in my path at some point to continue spurring me on to love & good deeds, and to continue fighting the fight and running the race with endurance. So to all of you out there who have helped me make it to this point- Annie, Jordan, Stephanie, Jessica, Amanda Jane, Marsel, Kristen, ALL my family, Devi, David, Alex, Lindsay, and so many others- if you are even reading this, you know who you are, and you know how you've helped me get to this point. Don't let the fact that I hate talking on the phone make you think that I am ignoring you... I'd rather I could just see yo' face. But I'll take what I can get :)

The Weary & Burdened

2010-05-16T18:35:00.004-05:00

Today, I walked into church a bit late. I was tired. Instead of sitting up front with the rest of the college students, as per usual, I melted into a chair in the very back row, up against the wall. No one knew I was there, and I could drink in the truth and wisdom of those up on stage from a distance. Needless to say, I was weary.

My emotions have been out of wack lately with all the sentimental things going on in the month of May, and I am so worn out from trying to hold it together throughout it all. In the words of old camp music, "I am so tired of compromising, and of lukewarm living." But it's not just that- I am weary because I have been trying to carry my own burdens and the burdens of others on my own shoulders. I have been allowing my feelings to be governed by my circumstances, and I have refused to allow Jesus to be my strength. This past month has been wonderful, but draining. The funny thing is that the sermon was exactly dead on with what I needed to be hearing- the Lord is not finished building our strength!

I do believe that the Lord divinely appointed for me to be exactly where I was this morning. I almost didn't even go to service because I was so weary. But in that span of time, He sent a woman to sit next to me and offer a gentle pat on the back and an encouraging word. He spoke through Pastor Jason to convict and encourage me, and He spoke through song as Jon sang "I Need You." I am so encouraged today! I need Him.

"I Need You" by the Swift

My heart is restless in me
My wings are all worn out
I'm walking in the wilderness
And I cannot get out

I need You, oh I need You
Blessed Savior come
I need You, oh I need You
Fill every longing of my soul

Oh how I need You Lord
I need Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

And my bed is soaked with sadness
My sadness has no end
A downward spiral of despair
That I keep falling in

I need You, oh I need You
To You my soul shall fly
I need You, oh I need You
Yahweh how I love you more than life

Oh how I need You Lord
I need Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

Your silence is like death to me
So won't You hear my desperate plea

Today my soul is soaring
Way over mountains high
Though I can see the valleys
They are all just passing by
It's not that I am stronger
Look at my feeble wings
But I've been lifted higher
Yahweh's lifted me in His own strength!

Oh how I love You, Lord
I love Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The God who always will endure
Now I will celebrate
For all the thousand ways
That you have shown me grace

And made my heart in grace to stay
You made my heart in grace to stay
Lord, make my heart in grace to stay
I need You, oh I need You.

What is done and yet to come, amen.

2010-05-13T09:52:00.002-05:00

I haven't really posted much of substance in a while, and I am sorry. It's finals week, you know. Although my finals week only consisted of playing a 15 second song on the recorder for my music professor, the weeks before that made me want to smash someone's head into a table (that's an Erin quote, by the way). And now that I am finished, it feels so wonderful to just hang out with people!
Last night was the first time I could genuinely bug people about hanging out and not have to worry about that project or quiz I should be working on. I felt happy, excited, and free. Can this happen more often, please?
I have a ton going on in my brain, and I will be sharing that very soon. For instance, packing reveals a lot. Want to know more? Check back soon, kids.

Simple truth

2010-05-03T22:21:00.006-05:00

Sometimes I forget that I've been given so much grace, and that I have been forgiven of a multitude of sins.
Sometimes I feel like holding back forgiveness from others... how selfish.
Because I have been forgiven, I should forgive.

Great is His faithfulness to me, even when I take for granted what He has given me!

Love, Miss Rhodie

2010-04-26T16:21:00.007-05:00

Before I begin, let me announce that I have been in a funky, over-emotional state the past few days, and this post will probably be brimming with sappiness and sentimental anecdotes. You were warned.

Four years ago today, my Memaw finished the race and her life on Earth in order to continue the journey in Heaven. I hate saying she "passed away." Don't smoke, kids, it does awful things to your lungs.
Memaw was a memorable lady. She was crazy. Nothing I say will be understandable to those who did not know her: she knew how to play her nose, claimed she dated Elvis once, bought some crazy random stuff at yard sales, became the yard sale pro, and called her husband's name in a pretty obnoxious way... yet loved him so much. She made up her own rules for Scrabble and loved "My Achy Breaky Heart." I'm still mad at her for trying to fix my crooked toes (the source of my intense disgust for feet), but I love her for always loving my curls ("Little girl with little curls"). My friends loved her but were scared to death of her. She gave me a pound of Colby Cheese for my birthday, and tried so many times to get me to go home with a bag of underwear she found at a yard sale.

I owe her a lot for teaching me how to wrap gifts, and for paying me to wrap all her Christmas gifts (even my own) so I could go on all my mission trips. That lady had such a giving heart. She was one of those who brought food to the homeless people on the side of the road and all her old toys to homeless shelters. She never met a stranger... sometimes to our embarrassment, but always to that person's newfound joy. She cried every single Thanksgiving, birthday, and Christmas, because she was too overwhelmed with all her blessings. She gave me my sewing machine. She called just to say hello. Of all the people in my life, I wish she were here right now so I could share with her everything that God has done in my life... I know she would listen, and I know she would still be my biggest fan, even if it meant that I move across the globe.

Even though I got so mad every time she made me sing for her because she thought I was a good singer, or bought me random piano books because she thought I was a great piano player (I think she was lying), I smile every time I think about the name she gave me based off the first song I ever played on the piano- "Miss Rhodie." She had 16 grandchildren, and she treated each one like they were her favorite... seriously. I wish I had her amount of unconditional love and energetic life!

When Memaw died my sophomore year of high school, I was devastated. It was the first death I had experienced, and it was the person who meant the most to me. I look back on that month and see it as a pivotal point in my walk with Christ; so much so that it is actually included as a crucial part of my testimony. I learned that God is my comforter and that I am never alone, and I learned to be thankful for my blessings. Sometimes I still wonder why God chose to take her as soon as He did, because I still pain over losing her. It kinda makes my stomach feel queasy and my mouth turn bitter just thinking about it. I wish so badly that she could be here today, but I know she is the most obnoxious Jesus-worshiper and the happiest woman Heaven knows right now!

One of the last conversations I had with her was on the phone before I left with my church to go on a mission trip to NYC. She had given me a hefty check to pay for it, and was calling to pray for me before I left. The woman could hardly breathe, and yet she got the prayer out in a sweet way. Oh, Memaw.

Who has touched your life, and how? If they are still here on Earth, do they know how much they mean to you? Tell them. I wish I had.

Soul of Modesty

2010-04-24T15:48:00.002-05:00

I have had the modesty talk more times in my life than I would like to count. I consider it a blessing, but it often became bland and annoying. It was certainly refreshing today to listen to a man's take on it from a purely Biblical and practical perspective!
Take a little time out of your day to listen to this podcast sometime. I was recommended C.J. Mahaney's "Soul of Modesty" by a good friend a while ago, but never got the chance to listen to it until today. It is an opinion and lesson on modesty that I have never heard before, and I am so thankful for his honesty and openness with his congregation!

The soul of modesty= the Gospel.

I'd even eat a banana.

2010-04-21T20:01:00.003-05:00

Today, I was supposed to send a message to one of my camp directors for the summer giving 3 names & emails of people who are very encouraging to me and who mean a lot to me. I found it incredibly hard to narrow it down to 3 people, and felt overwhelmingly blessed in that moment... so often I forget to be thankful for the people in my life, whether they are near or far!

But that was just the side note. What I really wanted to share is a verse I stumbled across today while reading The Missionary Call by M. David Sills (so far, a great book given to me by a great friend!). It's Isaiah 49:6. It's talking about Jesus, but it brings joy/yearning to my heart:

"It is too light a thing that you should be my servant to raise up the tribes of
Jacob and to bring back the preserved of Israel; I will make you as a light for
the nations, that my salvation may reach to the end of the earth."

I realize that not everyone is called to buckle the seatbelt on an airplane and fly across the ocean to live a missional life, and I am completely cheering on those who stay and mobilize or send. But this verse reflects the core of my heart, the gradual calling I have felt, the "ready to go, but willing to stay" mentality I have come to possess. Oswald Chambers describes this stirring feeling in My Utmost for His Highest:

"[It] may come with a sudden thunder-clap or with a gradual dawning, but in
whatever way it comes, it comes with the undercurrent of the supernatural,
something that cannot be put into words; it is always accompanied with a glow."

I definitely feel this glow and an ever-increasing excitement when I think about the prospect of trapsing through the jungles of some uncharted area in order to find someone who doesn't know Christ. I joke all the time about it, but I'm serious- I'd live in a shack eating bananas off the tree if I had to, if that's what it would take. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9 that he feels "compelled" to share, and in Philippians that it is his joy to share!

I am more than happy to have this glowing, bursting feeling of excitement for unreached people and Jesus-sharing!

The greatest of these: LOVE.

2010-04-16T19:39:00.005-05:00

I won't lie, I like being called "Teacher." I don't really like being called Miss Harrod, but any rendition of Miss Emily, Emalayyy, etc. makes my heart very happy!

There's this girl that has totally captured my heart here as of late. Muhai is a precious little girl- a refugee who now lives here in BG and likes to read stories and jump off of high places (not good for my anxiety level.) She is hilarious.
Sure, she has 3 other wonderful and equally hilarious brothers and a sister, but for some reason I get that strange motherly feeling whenever I talk to Muhai or spend time with her. I got to meet her parents tonight- something I've wanted to do for a long time. And they spoke no English other than "Nice to meet you, Misemly!" But there was a peculiar bond that I made with the mother- hiding behind her husband, embarrassed that she could not speak my language, yet grinning from ear to ear because someone was putting forth effort to notice her.
I've been thinking about love a lot lately... it's part of the fruit of the Spirit and is one of the greatest commandments Christ has given us! In fact, that's the reason behind the title of this blog: Kasih-Mengasihi is the Indonesian translation of "to love each other."
Love those who are hard to love, love those who receive no love, love those who have nothing to give back, love those who deserve love (that's everybody). "And now these things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." -1 Cor. 13:13

I'm not saying I have this down... in fact, my eyes bulge at the prospect of genuinely loving all people. But we can at least try, right?

Two Lovers

2010-04-10T20:47:00.004-05:00

(Photo credit goes to my sister, Rebecca)

I had a 5-hour break today between lifeguarding classes. Instead of filling that time with lots of homework and scheduling, I chose to go to the park (leaving phone & backpack in the car) and simply sit underneath the flawless sky reading my Bible. (Okay, I'll admit- first I tried sitting under the trees, but then I found out I was sitting right in the middle of a busy frisbee-golf course.) Can I tell you how welcome that time was to my life?! I say this with as much cheesiness as possible: it felt like cool water to parched lips. I'm not sure how often I will need to tell myself that making time to be still is something God commands, but I am pretty sure I now have that speech memorized.

So here is my snippet for the day, straight from Jim & Elizabeth Elliot. Passion & Purity is so good, FYI, and I recommend it to absolutely anyone.

"Two lovers who are separated geographically can dwell mentally in the past & future, reliving the happiness of having been together & anticipating the joy of reunion. It is quite possible to waste the present altogether. The important thing is to receive this moment's experience with both hands. Don't waste it." (p. 78, Elizabeth)

"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to
be the will of God." (Jim)

Take into consideration the idea that "two lovers" is not confined to a man and a woman- it can describe almost anything. Like seeing your far-away family. Or a best friend. Or desiring to be on the foreign mission field. Or just waiting for graduation and a big-kid job. How often do we wish our lives away, or spend it pining on things that are "missing" or yet to come?

I'm ready to live every moment "to the hilt." Our cry is always 'How long, Lord, must I wait?' And His reply is always 'Never mind, child. Trust me.'

Hungry

2010-04-03T23:48:00.003-05:00

It's funny how things work.
This weekend was supposed to be a relaxing, nostalgic weekend at home. But then my car died. And I got called into work. Suddenly, my rigid plans turned upside down and I found myself scrubbing the bathroom floor on a perfect Saturday afternoon. What happened, exactly? I'm not sure.
But I'm home now, and I must say I was able to drive home in flawless weather. The clouds made pictures in the sky, and my old camp music brought back happy memories. That alone time in the car is the best- and on days like today, pumping the Jesus music up and rolling the windows down (just slightly- don't want to mess up this wild mane on my head) seems like the most proper fit!
Today I thought about how we hunger for God. During the Easter service Thursday night, our pastor mentioned that those who do not know Christ are broken. My friend leaned over to me with a confused and baffled look and asked, "I am broken?" Yes, you are. We have an unfilled void that is unquenchable until we meet Christ. And once we do, we only hunger for more of Him. But what's cool is that when we hunger and thirst for God, He satisfies.